Caterwauling

I blew a few paychecks on my NYC trip.

The good news is, I’d bought my Bon Jovi “Forever” tour and “Lost Boys” on Broadway back in November.

I’d also bought a ticket to “Beaches,” but it got canceled. So I secured a “Titanique” ticket with those funds.

Other than hotel (so much hotel) and food (so much food), I bought two tickets to “Heathers” and a shirt that says, “What’s Your Damage?” as my Heather has nothing BUT damage.

I wanted the “Mythic Bitch” shirt but that’s Heather, not me.

Anyway, I was thrilled to take my new friend Marti to “Heathers.” We’d met at Catsuzenko, where I commented on her Bon Jovi shirt. And we met up after the concert to “Stage Door” it.

We didn’t meet the band. But a nice roadie slid us two guitar picks from the show. SWOON.

Anyway, that’s only a fraction of what I did on my summer vacation.

During my bonus days, among other things, I went to “Broadway in Bryant Park” and saw the casts of Titanique, SIX, Wicked, Spelling Bee and Aladdin perform for free.

I also went to the Museum of Art and Design to catch the “Devil Wears Prada 2” pop-up exhibit.

I still wish I’d bought the jacket I wore for my “Runway” shoot.

In any event, I haven’t thought of ol’ Cindy in ages. But I remember her tweeting at length about me taking photos on the Met steps but not going in.

That was part of a “Gossip Girl” bike tour. But sure, glad you’re so bored with your life that you want to tell your followers about mine.

In any event, I did take more photos on the Met steps because I could.

And I did go to the Guggenheim. Because I am an Uptown Girl now.

But I didn’t think of that weirdo till I wandered the MAD, as that’s in fact what she is.

Rather than wonder whether MAD woman still follows me, I texted Marti — Steel Magnolias’ “Claree”-style — to say we need to do a theater trip next year.

Isn’t it funny how life moves people out of your life who never deserved a place in it … and brings in wonderful people who do?

As I alluded with my last post, my “I’ll just fly up to see Bon Jovi” tour got extended. Then overextended.

Started innocently enough. I wanted to fly up on Friday instead of Saturday, so I could catch Coney Island fireworks that only run through July, I believe. (WORTH IT.)

I remember thinking, OK, great. I’ll fly home Wednesday and be happy.

Well.

I got a message from Delta in the middle of the night Tuesday that my flight was canceled due to weather.

Spent some time dicking around with Delta and a few other travel sites.

Second best case was to wait a day and try to do standby. Which of course is not guaranteed.

And as lovely as the Centurion Lounge is, there are time limits.

Third best case was to grab any flight that wasn’t going directly south. But I was looking at 3-4 stops to such scintillating Delta hubs as Detroit, Charlotte, Raleigh, Altlanta and/or Dulles.

Fourth best case was take a JetBlue flight on Thursday … for over $900. (When I could reschedule with Delta for free.)

Best case was to say fuck it, pay the CitizenM for two more nights, and call it PTO.

That was an adventure. Between 4 a.m. and 6 a.m., the Marriott site went from $600 a night to no availability.

The CitizenM guys told me to just go have breakfast, check out of my room at 11, and then hit the website right after 11.

They said they were booked solid BUT obviously if I couldn’t get out of town, people weren’t going to be able to come IN.

Hilariously, I packed all my shit from the past five days. Checked out. Opened my laptop. Secured a reservation for $350 a night. Checked immediately back in TO THE SAME ROOM.

To be fair, they didn’t tell me to pack my shit. But still, the odds of getting the “501 blues” after being TOLD I’d get a different room was closer to zero percent than 100.

Anyway, I’ve never stayed in NYC that long. And I never wanted to leave.

Honestly, as I furiously typed my newsletter from the Centurion Lounge on Friday, I truly thought, what if Eduardo put the cats on a flight and we stayed there forever?

I realize I do that with every vacation. Start looking at real estate.

But now that I’ve un-subbed from all my Orlando searches … and my fucking airport is “the airport formerly known as PBI” because it’s now named after a PEDOPHILE and CONVICTED RAPIST … I mean, why not turn my annual visits into permanent ones?

I’ve never seen NYC in the autumn, after all.

Heather Dubrow’s mother said something interesting on the RHOBH premiere last month.

God built LA. But he lives in New York City.

It was a weird quote, yes. But after eight (eight!) days in New York myself, I don’t question it.

If the lord is indeed in New York City, as Harry Nisson sang, a saint lives here in Palm Beach.

I’ve had a lot of wonderful cat sitters, but my favorite by far is Eduardo.

He’s the only one I’ve never met. And I’ve often thought about how it’s the plot of a Hallmark movie. A cute guy she hires to take care of her cats and she never cross paths until … whatever the dot-dot-dot would be.

In any event, Sabrina and Taylor set the bar high. But both bought houses elsewhere.

Ranice was adorable but I suspect she didn’t come every day. The fact that the litterboxes were over-full tipped me off.

That was back when I had no elevator and I’d dragged all those boxes up the steps. So I was pretty unhappy she went through four out of six Fresh Step boxes in 10 days.

Then there was Stephanie, who was also lovely. She has a full time job PLUS she works with a couple of cat rescues. So, she is for real a Cat Person.

I brought her back Belle loot from Tokyo, since Belle is her jam. And I was planning to bring her back Broadway stuff from NYC as that’s also her jam.

But then I remembered Eduardo, who’d looked after the kids when I was away for a long weekend. He’s only like two blocks from here, whereas everyone else was pretty far away.

Not only did he sent amazing, cheerful updates. But he apologized for sending a million photos.

Which … everyone else sent photos but I compared that to Stephanie who literally gave me proof of life (as I’d asked) and that was it. Also there were a lot of barf piles from my Stephanie shifts, so I don’t know if she missed them or what.

Eduardo not only sent reams of photos. But when my flight out of JFK got CANCELED on Wednesday, he was quick to say sure, let me know if you want me to hang around for a few more days.

Not only did he, but I came home to a house that was tidier than I’d left it.

Not saying he cleaned. But he’s the first one who grabbed the broom and pan I leave in the doorway and USED IT.

Not a vomit pile in sight.

Not only that … but I’d left a ton of extra litter.

And in seven nights’ worth of time, he did not open one of those packages.

Not one.

And yet, the boxes were downright sparkling. The food stations were perfect. Literally, unlike the previous sitter, I could walk in and breathe deep and not choke.

I sent him a $50 tip on top of his fees, and I wonder if that’s even enough.

Anyway I could go on and on about NYC. But I just wanted to share my absolute gratitude that I have this phenomenal cat sitter who truly let me worry about everything else and not this.

The kids love him too. You can tell from the photos.

In any event, I don’t see a Hallmark movie out of this. But man, if all men were half the man he is, I’d be way more interested in meeting one.