That was a line in the very first “White Lotus” episode.
My beloved Murray Bartlett advised Lani to be a pleasant but interchangeable face as a staffer at the resort.
Be helpful, but don’t stand out.
I had an Aventura Adventure yesterday.
Where I was the only non-rude person I encountered. And despite my tan, still the lightest person around for miles.
It started off great — a friend had told me to grab a certain wine he’s fallen in love with.
Only the North Miami Total Wine — just south of Aventura’s — had it online.
Unexpectedly, they had three dusty bottles — of the 2015 vintage. AND they were on sale. Score!
I drove up to the Aventura store for yuks. It was twice the size and had half the stock of the smaller, older store.
Decided to go to Kura Sushi for lunch. I have gone to the Wellington one. It’s a sushi-go-round.
I loved the Welly store. But this one, no one greeted me for the 10 minutes I stood there.
Finally I downloaded the app and made a reservation — for 20 minutes from then. THE STORE WAS EMPTY.
There’s too much good sushi in Miami to waste it on that nonsense. I canceled and left.
Had an amazing Cherry Matcha at the mall. Got Laduree macarons — earl grey, raspberry and caramel, my favorites.
Was going to get Cuban Nachos at Sanguiche, but I thought, Serafina. Always a winner in Miami and New York, right?
Well. Let’s just say the service was SO BAD, I ordered my pizza WITH a box since no one was waiting on me at the bar.
The wild part? I was sitting next to the damn manager with her laptop and seating arrangements. She did not see the bad service, nor notice me losing my mind as time ticked by.
Finally, a good 60 minutes in, I flag down the bartender to say check please. He says, “I’ll check on you!” and goes off to do whatever he’s doing. Which I don’t know but it wasn’t serving any of the five bar patrons.
Another 20 minutes go by, I leave all my cash under my long-empty glass.
I felt bad about it, but then I remember ICE agents are murdering people in broad daylight again and lying about it. So, I shorted you a tip. Woo.
I wasn’t done with the mall. Wanted to get some Japanese ice cream. To go with the Japanese perfume and makeup I bought earlier.
There’s just something about Japanese milk, I tell you.
In any event, that’s not even the most interesting part of all this.
I went to walk into Victoria’s Secret, and a family would have rammed into me with their two strollers if I hadn’t jumped 10 feet.
The employee with the thick Spanish accent saw that. We got to talking about how rude people are, and how you have to look out for yourself.
She made some weird comment to me about how people treat me for the way I look.
Like bitch, I was dressed up for my adventure. Was she making a commentary on me being fat?
Nope, because of my skin color. If you can believe that.
She said you know what color the rudest people are? I said boy do I — white people.
She said oh no white people are the BEST!
She gives me this whole story about she’s from Mexico but she is AN AMERICAN. And THANK GOD for this president.
I said gonna have to stop you on the president thing. Though against my better judgment, I kept listening.
She said America is GREAT because it’s NOT a melting pot. We don’t need other people’s rudeness and crappy culture here. Go have your culture in YOUR country.
I’m like … and you’re from …?
She said Mexico but SHE emigrated legally.
Like gonna stop you right there, hoe.
My nail tech is the same — from Vietnam. But married a citizen.
Who had the resources to do it legally. And he votes for tRump. Oh and he hires undocumented guys to do construction.
(My nail tech HATES trump, so we’re friends.)
My friend who had the wine recommendation said this lady of leisure (the Victoria’s Secret lady, to be clear. My nail tech has a full time job, her business AND an infant) probably has to lay under some 66-year-old limp-dick white dude with a fetish for Latinas.
I said to him, isn’t it sad that WE vote for cunts like THAT to remain in our country. And she doesn’t want ANYBODY ELSE here.
The hallmark of a Republican woman.
The funniest part? Someone shoplifted some shit while this lady was talking to me.
Alarms were going off everywhere.
I said don’t you have to go deal with that?
She’s like enh, whatever. I said no really, you were at the door, you’ll be held accountable. She said ok fine but come find me when you’re done browsing.
I ran the moment she turned her back.
Anyway that tropical kabuki line came to mind for several reasons.
One, how fucking rude everyone was to me.
Maybe it’s that whole “older white woman” syndrome where no one even sees us. Maybe that’s why the gaggle of people just about killed me. Like I was a damn ghost to them.
Two, don’t fucking welcome me into goddamn Victoria’s Secret and tell me how happy you are with the pedophile, adjudicated rapist, grifter who used the office to enrich himself while he literally shits himself on camera.
Fade the fuck into the background, Conchita. Suck that limp white dick and pray you don’t get deported. They’re killing citizens, you know. You ain’t SHIT to that president.
It’s a shame that the only person I wasn’t invisible to, was her.