Caterwauling

I left “on time” today. Nevermind the 6 a.m. start time. 🙂

I left “on time” last Monday too, for apartment-hunting purposes.

And I had a revelation the first time that holds true again.

That is, I can have a perfectly horrific day. But knowing that this portion of my day is over by 6 p.m., I can handle it a lot better.

It’s this “dragging into ‘my’ time” business that makes me a boiling pile of pus that needs to be lanced and *splort* it will put your eye out when it oozes out.

I realize now that I could have a reasonable week. Or I could haul ass up to Orlando and do back-to-back conferences in addition to the full-time-plus load.

I’m 50/50 right now. Because the uncertainty of arrival on time, the nerves of not having Internet access on command, and the general “please don’t let the place burn down and destroy my empire” prayers … not to mention bad news about the car … are enough to make me nuts.

Of course, as my friend said, suck it up and pack your shit and get the fuck on the road and do one goddamned thing for yourself.

Sure there will be chaos, he said to me. But that chaos is work-related. NOT going because I’m worried about that work chaos means the chaos will be in MY head and heart instead.

I know smart people don’t I?

I just wish I knew where the hell I would even be staying while I’m up there.

I guess now’s as good a time as any to figure that out …

Apparently anything you do to attempt to preserve your fragile emotional health can and will be used against you in a court of law.

I got my project done that was supposed to be done, just in time to hop on my other projects.

But what I’m proudest of is telling my special-needs students that class is NOT going to be in session this week. We can spitball next week. Momma’s got to lie down and rest and will call you individually to administer spankings.

I’d still trade my mother for a bottle of Klonopin, though. But when it comes to chipping away at my newfound anxiety, this is a good start.