Caterwauling

They say the grass is always greener on the other side of the hedge. And I’ve never seen that more true since the other side of the company put a brand-new employee on the other side of the hedge from me.

Only, my side is the one that’s WAY prettier.

JESUS CHRIST THAT GUY HAS A LOT OF CONFERENCE CALLS.

Don’t get me wrong. One call a day is too many for me. But it sounds like there are 12 people on each call and that fucker is on the phone all goddamned day.

The best conclusion I can draw is it takes his team 35 people to do the same work that myself, the marketing head and the copy chief achieve for our entire division.

I have this guy I thought I got rid of. It’s been a gloriously silent two months.

Then, he resurfaced. Eight times in two days.

I made the mistake of not launching a missile toward his house.

He said to me, “Time just FLIES when we’re talking!”

I said, “For whom?”

He thinks I’m hilarious.

I call him Yucko McFucko. Because I get such a colossal HUZ when he’s on the prowl.

Maybe I’m no prize either. But damn. Is it so wrong that I’m holding out for my Chip Esten … or Jon Bon Jovi … or Kip Winger … or an adventure as the creamy center in a Jake Owen/Luke Bryan sammich?