I’d kick my own ass if I could just reach it

July 1st, 2015, 8:29 PM by Goddess

A while back, I remember posting about a friend who was interested in a guy who I thought was, shall we say, intellectually beneath her.

This week I happened to find out what a big old conniving whorebag she is. Like, the holier-than-thou act she pulled with me was indeed an act.

And it’s funny, because I really thought the guy was a step down for her. But I put it together in my head that her whining/bitching/complaining — now coupled with her being a BIG FAT WHOREBAG — makes me realize the guy was far too classy for HER.

Now don’t get me wrong. The guy isn’t an intellectual giant and this new discovery doesn’t turn him into one.

But instead of telling her to aim higher, I wish I’d said it to him instead.



Grace

June 29th, 2015, 2:48 PM by Goddess

I asked God for grace. No more. No less. 

Today I had some grace extended to me. And I very happily accepted it. 

I was just about to remind someone that they need to do something. Because I’ve been watching the clock and gunning for the send button. 

But grace is going to save them today. I’m not going to be their problem today. 

They want me to lay off, well. Wish granted. 

Gordon Geckko, greed is good. But grace is great. 



A girl walks into a bagel shop for a change. And gets one.

June 27th, 2015, 9:19 PM by Goddess

The AC broke in the office Wednesday. The city on this screenshot is wrong, but the temp is correct.

 

I wanted to work from home Thursday but didn’t get a green light. So I came in and sat in a puddle of sweat for two hours.

After battling a migraine and losing my meager breakfast, I went out at 10 a.m. to cool off in the even-hotter weather. But at least there was AIR circulating. Sweet, glorious air.

And that’s where the story begins.

My humanity returned somewhat while I ate my fried egg and cream cheese on a toasted multigrain bagel.

The guy next to me ended up chatting with me a bit. And the lesson I learned is that I could have been cooped up, sweating and working my butt off as usual. But perhaps it was fate that smoked me out of my corner and allowed me to enjoy my weekday.

The conversation doesn’t matter. If you must know, he was a lawyer and he showed me a woman on the front of our town paper who ran a guy on a scooter off the road. Her friend in the car turned her in. He said she’s looking at seven years in jail.

He said look at how mean she looks. He said she looks rode hard and put away wet. She clearly looked very hardened, with no compassion or remorse in her eyes.

The guy said no jury is going to believe her even if she says she’s sorry.

“I don’t know how someone gets to be 52 and has no impulse control,” he said. “But at least she could have taken care of herself a little bit. She looks 70. It wouldn’t hurt her case if she looked like a nice person who had a terrible lapse in judgment. From her appearance, it’s easy to believe the police report that she was gunning for the guy on the scooter.”

I was amazed at how he was reading her. And it reminded me to quit fucking frowning all day at the screen. Moreover, I can’t help wearing my feelings when my biggest work stressor HAUNTS me day and night. This shit has kept me awake for months.

I left shortly afterward, as my food was gone and my headache had abated and I had to go do three people’s worth of work.

I knew he was heading to court and then to the beach. I said goodbye and that I hoped his day went exactly as he planned it.

He hadn’t smiled once. But suddenly he did and said, “You’ve got a beautiful smile there. Thanks for sharing it with me today.”

Funny. I was feeling like ass and I was still pleasant and nice. :)

But importantly, I wouldn’t have smiled had I not been there. Trust me on this. (Laughter feels like something from my long-distant past.)

The point of all this (yes there is one) is that being locked in the castle, doing All The Things, never being NOT busy and dealing with the ass ache that never abates, I miss out on a lot.

Even if it’s to hear that I have a nice smile and to get a reminder to take care of it and that I’ll get a lot further in life if I wear it. That’s pretty good advice I would never have heard otherwise.



Premeditating 

June 26th, 2015, 6:47 PM by Goddess

I had to miss out on beach meditation with friends tonight thanks to the reason why I need to meditate. 

I’m starting to understand why “premeditated” is a word. Because I’m thinking about just how I can release this feeling since I had to miss my plans for the sixth time in two weeks for the same reason.   



For those suffering fools today 

June 24th, 2015, 5:56 PM by Goddess