Aside

October 21st, 2014, 11:12 AM by Goddess

I have this mountain of busy work I know I need to push off. MOUNTAIN.

But given it would take just as many hours of training (cough *undoing*) as it would to edit 2,160 WordPress articles, I think I’m going to have a nice mindless afternoon.



Control

October 21st, 2014, 8:42 AM by Goddess

There are days when you are all-powerful and you just KNOW you can conquer the world.

Days when, even if everything doesn’t go exactly your way, you still command total control of situations and more importantly, of yourself.

I had some petty crap yesterday that I didn’t let bother me and some more petty crap today that I’m going to do the right thing and overlook.

You know, I am aware that people question some of my decisions and approaches. And they probably should because most are unconventional and probably stupid but I make them work for me.

But nobody else wants their shit questioned … even when it needs to be.

In an event, I almost feel better when I am up to no good. It makes me hyper-aware that I was not, in fact, placed upon this earth to deal with others’ hot messes when I can make my own that are FAR more interesting.



The horns hold up the halo

October 20th, 2014, 7:39 PM by Goddess

It was a day of firsts, that’s all I’ve got to say.

I miss the years of proper journaling where I could go into tantalizing, excruciating, bodice-ripping detail.

And now, I maybe vaguely mention something in passing and, years down the road, I don’t know who said or did it or, hell, who they even were.

Today was Peachy (bad), salty (good) and all-around “Did that just happen?” in every way possible.

And I may not like Peaches too well right now, but I enjoyed this day very much other than that. Very much.



I never thought I’d see the day where I would miss Jose Cuervo

October 20th, 2014, 8:17 AM by Goddess

I have no problem staying up past midnight doing fun things and having late-night talks with my favorite people.

But man, when you WORK till midnight (three times in the past week), the next morning is worse than a Jose Cuervo hangover.

Granted, last night I didn’t even start working till about 8 p.m. But still. I imagine I’d be less cranky if I were getting ahead of schedule instead of desperately just trying to catch up.



The history of me … and of several of you too

October 19th, 2014, 8:57 AM by Goddess

I lay awake most of the night, kicking myself for opening the Pandora’s box otherwise known as where I store my old journals.

I guess I was looking for some overlooked clue that would have made me happy, instead of a blow-by-blow documentation of the rise and fall of young would-be love.

But looking through all those years, wow, do I see how I became a more-intense version of who I was.

I used to love with all my heart … and shout it from the rooftops to the person who needed to hear it. And I fell on my face every damn time.

It was when I started to become elusive, to keep my sordid fantasies to myself, to be a tease and be detached and cool, when the boys started flocking to me. And staying.

Holy shit, what really gets me is how I named a bunch of them. People I’ve forgotten. People I, for the most part, cannot remember.

Had I not immortalize them, their existence might not have mattered to the universe.

It isn’t just matters of the heart. I chronicled all my jobs too. And I see where my absolute madness comes from.

I remember those shit jobs, where I was making stupid things out of construction paper and glue while sitting on personal calls all day because I had nothing better to do. I remember wondering who put those idiots in charge. I remember looking forward to the day when I would HAVE those jobs.

It’s funny. I look at the Millennial generation now and think they are a bunch of smug, self-entitled assholes. I don’t think that was me, though. I just wanted the chance to prove myself. And I fought for it everywhere. You didn’t have to hand me shit. And now, I would be dazzled if I met someone just like me.

In any event, I have thinking to do that I can’t type out here. But I am grateful for anyone who is listening. I think a lot of people would be surprised at what I remember about them — good, bad and everything in between. And how every last word and experience shaped who I am today.