Powerless

February 12th, 2016, 6:39 PM by Goddess

There’s something depressing about working late on a Friday. 

Any day, really. 

And I’m talking past-dusk late. I ain’t in the 4:59 or even the 6:59 club. 

It makes me think back to all my single years when my cats were alone … I needed a thousand sets of sheets and pairs of skivvies because I never had time for laundry … and I declined or ignored requests to hang out because, work. 

I thought of that as I fought with my PC most of the day and week. And as I am bailing on another outing tonight I honestly didn’t bother fully committing to in the first place.  As I broke two keys on my personal laptop because I was beating on it in frustration over the remote machine. 

At least when I was younger, I should have gone out more. Now mom doesn’t want me leaving the house, and I’m so buggy-eyed tired that I don’t have it in me to be upset anymore. 

There was construction upstairs all day. Jackhammers ahoy. And Fuckhead McGillicuddy (my newest name for him) will no doubt take his nap now and bounce off the walls all night. 

I remind myself that I was not put on this earth for all this monkey business. But what if I was? What if my small tastes of power and joy and love are all I get?

In “Scandal” last night, Liv learned to live without her power. It sucked. She found a way to get it back. You can’t forget the taste of it once you’ve had it. And being at the mercy of others’ is about as appealing as death. 



Never mind that packed box of personal effects

February 12th, 2016, 8:52 AM by Goddess

What a week. 

I found that dieting and walking more than usual only makes you gain weight. 

I swear I was down three pounds midweek. But last night I binged on mom’s amazing cauliflower fritters. Because I am a dork and would eat cauliflower over chocolate any old day. 

But I think my most remarkable feat of strength this week wasn’t eating next to nothing. (Ex-cauliflower binge.) 

It was not publishing all the draft blog posts I wrote in fits of omgwtfbbq. 

So the week has been a wash at best. But maintaining gainful employment, even as challenging as it has been, nudges this week into the “win” column. 

Even if only by another newly acquired gray hair. 



Every day is a good day

February 10th, 2016, 9:27 PM by Goddess

I wrote that sentiment to a friend going through hell. It’s something I tell myself every day. Even a streaming shitpile of a day like today. 

But instead of focusing on the bad, today I will cheer because I have never walked 10K steps four days in a row before. 

Not a bad start to Lent. Especially given what a wash the day could have been without this victory. 

  



Every Tuesday is a fat one

February 9th, 2016, 8:56 PM by Goddess

The dinner situation. Mom’s vs. mine. Not pictured here: a Publix King cake.   

My little 9 SmartPoint meal was fine. Not as omgwtfbbq aromatic as the Little Caesars bacon wrapped crust delight. And I prefer my king cakes to come from Ranny Mandazzo’s in New Orleans. So, I win tonight. 

I better have a lower number on the scale Saturday or else I’ll lose my damn mind. 

  



Between nowhere and not-anywhere

February 8th, 2016, 12:34 PM by Goddess

Had an awful memory from when I had 12 critical projects going at once back in Maryland. One of the moments that led me to quit. Something to do with Bear Stearns and a ponytail.  It hit me today as I picked up project number more-than-12 that’s awful similar to that camel-breaking straw. 

It should be better this time. But it’s funny. Every time I get down to a certain weight, I change careers. So in 14 pounds, I will be breaking tradition to stay put. 

Today I’m amused at the difference between going nowhere and not going anywhere …