‘She’s a hot Southern mess’

August 20th, 2014, 7:19 PM by Goddess

“She’d rather wear a pair of cut-off jeans than a fancy evening dress
And with her windows rolled down
And her hair blown all around
She’s a hot southern mess.”

Brad Paisley, “Old Alabama”

Oh hai, I saw Brad Paisley live this weekend. Not that I remember any of it. Because, drunk. Thank you Fernando the Marine from Miami who kept pouring shots of Fireball down my throat in the parking lot. I forget the concert in its entirety, but I won’t forget you!

In unrelated news, had a date tonight. I was so fed up with a couple people/situations that by the time my friend said, “Um, I’ve ordered a drink. Where are you?” I picked up my shit and ran.

God I love working in civilization.

So here’s the thing. One of my boys has been chasing me. And while I will never, ever let myself be caught … I slowed down a bit to let one catch up.

I do this faux-lationship thing every now and again. Because, a girl does get tired of running away. That, and you know, fun is a nice thing to have, too. God knows you don’t have to marry the guy.

In any event, it’s always amusing when someone figures out just how ticklish you are beneath your hard-ass exterior …

Watching, wondering

August 19th, 2014, 7:02 AM by Goddess

“I never wanted to be your weekend lover
I only wanted to be some kind of friend, hey
Baby, I could never steal you from another
It’s such a shame our friendship had to end.”

– Prince, “Purple Rain”

I posted something to his wall when he joined Facebook all those years ago. Sweet. Cute. Not overly flirty. But, you know. Familiar.

Which, I figured he would appreciate. Yet by the next day, he had deleted it.

I understood.

Since then, I haven’t posted or “liked” or done anything to indicate we ever knew each other, beyond being “friends” on that nebulous platform.

Not that I’ve missed a single post, picture or link. I’ve clicked on every single one.

So it always blows my mind when I get a “like” or a sweet comment. Which, happens once in a while. My heart jumps about 4,000 feet each time, actually.

I often wonder if he is trying to capture my attention. Or whether he wonders why I just don’t interact with his postings that, let’s face it, he knows I would love. Or if he sees himself lost among my wonderful group of friends from all over the world.

Or whether he remembers this page and comes here instead to search for signs of himself.

I think a big reason I don’t go back there is because I’d show up where I know I would find him, and only let him out of my sight again when I’m good and goddamned well ready.

There’s no replacing him. And yet, no telling whether I could still even stand him for a long period of time. Or anyone, really.

The forced-solitude thing I’ve done these past couple years has made me antsy to be around people in general, and downright suffocated to be physically/emotionally close to anyone.

Yet it never stops me from wondering.

And if he’s wondering, no, I’m not waiting. But I’d be a liar if I claimed I weren’t watching for a sign.


August 18th, 2014, 8:00 PM by Goddess

I’ve gone out more in the past week and a half since my company relocated to civilization … than I have year-to-date.

Not only have I managed to take daily walks (OK, coffee runs), go out for lunch a couple times AND have a life, but my productivity has also been pretty steady. Of course, it’s the summer slump and thank you God for that.

It’s an amazing moment when the rage abates. If I can make it to the dentist on time tomorrow, and to most if not all of the events I have planned during the next seven days, I’ll be … what’s that word … oh yeah, happy.

All the feels

August 15th, 2014, 6:56 AM by Goddess

Ran into two old colleagues from two different companies yesterday. They now work at another new company, together … in the office next door. At a company where I turned down an offer (and regret that occasionally).

But I think we’ve all done better for ourselves — me independently of them, and them together — so the ache abates somewhat.

One of the current esteemed colleagues said something yesterday that stuck with me, that we hurt each other’s feelings sometimes. And maybe by sometimes they probably meant “often.”

Funny, I never really thought much about that before.

Like I told my new hire when he started (not the same person who made the comment), we will annoy each other least three times a week. Hopefully total, but maybe apiece.

Then again, I guess I never want to believe anyone would think I am anything other than charming and delightful and productive and AN AMAZING ASSET and, on probably three days a month (because, humidity. And carbs), somewhat cute too.

Because I sure plug my ears when they try to indicate otherwise.

After all, a girl can drive herself nuts if she allows more voices into her head, especially when she has five or seven of her own sounding off at any given time.

I also guess I figured they do the same. Or at least that they are better at coping with it and can help me to redirect my rage into more-productive channels.

It’s almost comforting to remember that we’re all just trying to figure out our way. I guess what I can do is to find ways for us to evolve together as opposed to “in the same general location.”

And, again

August 13th, 2014, 6:33 PM by Goddess

Call me Ishmael. Or Sisyphus. Technological Sisyphus, that is.

I don’t want to post how hideous today was from a technological standpoint. But between being logged out of the home office’s wireless network every 45 minutes and then being logged out of our new remote desktop system every half-hour … and the Powers That Be deigning me unfit to be allowed on the home office network with my laptop that was not company-purchased (but is used 98% for company travel) … I deserved that mega-sized Modelo I stopped for on the way home from the jungle.

In unrelated news, I heard a name I don’t hear anymore. As in, dating a friend of mine.

Which, I don’t care. Trouble was, she quit talking to me because of a boy. And now that she’s canceled on this second boy for an upcoming event, I’m going to hang out with him instead.

Thing was, I really enjoyed this girl. You just can’t help it when matters of the heart get in the way.

I’m not interested in her man but I don’t think I can say the same is true on his part. I’ll deal with that later. (And again.) But I did sort of warn him that he may not want to mention my name. Because, too many reasons to name.