Reader Poll Day

updated to include bad ’90s dance tunage

  • If forced to choose, would you rather wade 50 yards through waist-high dog diarrhea, or 50 yards through waist-high human asparagus pee?
    Seriously, Sherri? You’re scaring me. 🙂 This is when Dawn opts to have her over-sensitive olfactory nerves removed before wading through the asparagus water. *twitch*
  • What size bed do you sleep on?
    Full.
  • When you discover a large, yet lightning-fast insect in your house, do you try to chase it down, or just let it be?
    I will chase it for awhile. I don’t mind chasing/killing bugs — better dead than in my bed. 🙂 Of course, I have a cat who chases bugs that are outside (when she’s inside) — I’m so proud.
  • If you were offered $1 million to tattoo a 1″ x 1″ logo of some randomly selected company on the back of your neck, would you do it?
    Only if it were tax-free — no sense in the government benefiting from my stupidity. It already does. *sigh*
  • What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you on a date?
    Bwahahaha. Oh god, do I tell this story on my new blog? I went home with some guy and truly had not thought ahead when planning my attire.

    Usually, I’m *date-ready* (ahem) but on this night, I was down to the end of the laundry pile and truly didn’t expect to meet anybody. But he was a friend of a friend, and I was drunk. And when he went to pull down my not-so-scandalous underthings, his thumb? Went straight through a HOLE in the FABRIC. He was pulling them down by the freaking HOLE in my underwear!

    I freaked and got the hell out of there. In retrospect, I don’t think he’d noticed.

    I did go back again another night (this time in appropriate, um, *evening wear*). Long story short, you guys might remember him as the guy to whom I said, “That’s it?!?!?” LOL

  • Do you remember the first time you got REALLY drunk? What happened?
    Ah, 21st birthday, although I’d been drinking for YEARS earlier. Went to a dueling-piano bar (the now-defunct Jellyrolls at Station Square in Pittsburgh). Mom was there (god love her). Drank lots of pineapple-and-rum specialty drinks. They along with the salad I’d eaten for dinner at Houlihan’s ended up being puked up very neatly in several different parking spaces. One thing I do well is throw up daintily (as if it were really possible!).
  • If you saw a complete stranger standing near you in a line with a booger dangling from his/her nostril, would you say anything?
    Nope. But I’d sure come home and blog about it!
  • If you’re in your house/apt. alone, do you close the door when you use the toilet?
    Nope. Although it skeeves me out that the cats insist on being in there with me. Maddie wants to go up on the sink. Kadi lunges for Maddie’s tail as the old girl struggles to make that big leap. Maddie growls. Kadi runs around psychotically and rips across my feet, usually drawing blood. Maddie waits for Kadi to pause before doing a giant belly-flop down onto her. Fur flies and hijinx ensue. Do not THINK I would EVER put my guchies anywhere near the ground — only one kitty can go near my skivvies, and it doesn’t have a name or a tail!
  • When was the last time you held a baby?
    Must’ve been Alex, around last October.
  • Ask me something.
    OK, last week we talked about our favorite cheesy ’80s songs. Now, for the greatest cheeseball era: the ’90s!

    What were you grooving to, and where were you? Me? I was groovin’ to dance, techno and trance in the gay bars.

  • On iTunes: Mariah Carey, “We Belong Together (remix)”

    One Lonely Response to Reader Poll Day

    1. Erica :

      Ooh! You always have the best music.

    Reader Poll Day

    Reader Poll Whatever-the-Hell-the-Day-Is. 😉

  • 1. What’s the most creative way you’ve ever asked someone out?
    I don’t ask people out.
  • 2. Do you have any cavities? If so, how many?
    Pfft. I am dealing with a filling that, well, fell out. I swear, I have (had?) more silver in my teeth than in my jewelry armoire, and that’s a pretty impressive amount.
  • 3. Would you rather spend an hour swimming in a murky pond full of leeches, or spend an hour sitting in a dark cave full of snakes?
    God, it’s like choosing between three workplaces ago and two workplaces ago. I guess the cave (to me) is like moving on to something better — at least there’s a slim chance of not being bitten.
  • 4. What was your favorite thing to do on the playground during recess when you were a kid?
    I was a hopscotch goddess. And that was about the last time I got up off my ass voluntarily. 😉
  • 5. How many states have you lived in?
    Two — Pennsylvania and Virginia. And in how many places in each? More than I have fingers and toes.
  • 6. Have you ever had stitches? If so, where and why?
    In my hand — cooking class accident in eighth grade. Trying to remove the skin from chicken wings — cheap-ass chicken the school bought had feathers on it. So I wrapped the skin around a knife and my friend Amy pulled the drumstick while I yanked the knife. Lovely tug-o-war resulted in me losing a lot of blood and getting four stitches in my left hand. And tetanus shots. Yay.

    I wasn’t squeamish about it, though — I was pulling apart the cut (the knife went straight through my whole hand!) and admiring my capillaries. And showing all the boys in the class. They loved it.

    And let’s not talk about staples — after my appendix was out (2003) my incision was stapled (and then there was the bag attached elsewhere to catch blood and pus — *sigh*). I have this weird pink scar with dots on each side of it, from the wound and the staples.

  • 7. Have you ever sued anyone or been sued?
    Not that I haven’t been tempted to hold people liable for punitive damages for driving me insane, but no. I do have a cousin whom we call “Sue” because she throws herself down on the floor and slaps companies with lawsuits for unsafe conditions.
  • 8. Have you ever witnessed a person or animal give birth?
    Thank goodness no. Although I was in the room five minutes after a friend had her daughter in 2003 and I stayed with her through the rest of the afternoon/evening/early morning. Seeing the absolute pain and blood loss and weakness and downright delirium was enough to make me super-glue my thighs closed.
  • 9. Did you get an allowance as a kid?
    Yeah. Wasn’t as much as my rich friends got, but it was nice to have. I spent all my money on audiocassettes (ah, hair metal bands!) and going out to dinner.

    But then when I hit 16, I had this “friend” (and not a poor one) who charged us gas money every time he took us somewhere. It wouldn’t be so bad if we were the ones asking for a ride (and believe me, I gave gifts when people did me favors. Sucker.), but he’d ask us to go to the mall or out to eat with him. Then he’d fill up the tank and split it however many ways. What a greedy little shit. I want a refund!!!

  • 10. Ask me something. 🙂
    While I support the mission of Live 8 and all, do you think it made a difference? Or did people get a nice, free concert and that’s the end of that song? And what can we be doing to end poverty in our own country? (You never said to make the question an easy one! LOL)

    On iTunes: Pulp, “Like a Friend”

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