Caterwauling

“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.”

— Bill Vaughan

Hope everyone had a great holiday! I personally spent more than 16 hours in my car just going to and from my destinations, so to say that my ass hurts is the understatement of the year. 🙂 Also, to say that Mom put 10 pounds on me is the other understament of the year — we don’t do gifts, but four-course meals every night are a given. Damn it — nothing FITS!!!

I left Pittsburgh at 10:55 a.m. yesterday, went to Wheeling to pick up the boys and proceeded to be stuck in traffic on I-70 for hours upon hours. I came home after 7 p.m. to find a happy Maddie and a surly Kadi (who’s about five pounds heavier from parking her ass at the auto feeder for five days). Maddie immediately jumped up into my lap and wanted to be petted; I put her down after awhile to give Kadi some attention, and this little brat immediately scratched me.

I heard from Shawn that Kadi trashed the kitchen on my first day away, and I saw for myself that she trashed my bedroom. I have shelves of Garfield collectibles, and Kadi managed to get even up to the shelves nearest the ceiling and knock shit over. One item is an irreplacable, limited-edition figurine (that retailed around $200) — actually, pieces of it are missing or broken. I will kill that cat. I swear, when I take her to get declawed, I may just ask the vet to put her to sleep instead!

Shawn took good care of the lil rascals, and for that, I’m grateful. I was hoping, though, that the girls would learn to get along in those five days together, but the minute I walked in the door, Kadi walked up to Maddie and smacked her in the head, so Maddie body-slammed her across the room. Heh. That earned Kadi 12 solid hours in her cage, and Maddie was rewarded with Honeybaked Turkey from Grandma.

My tired ass was in bed by 8 ish last night. I just woke up, and I feel pretty good, although I know I am walking into a crisis situation at work today. When it’s important enough to get two calls when you’re out of state, you know shit’s gonna hit the fan when you get back in town. *sigh*

The girls were in dire need of litter when I came home, but because I had taken the last parking spot in the lot, I actually walked up the street to Safeway rather than drive. Seriously, when you are lucky enough to get a spot at my complex, you don’t get rid of it. Had I driven to Safeway, I would have been wise to just leave my car there, because it would’ve been impossible to get a spot any closer to home!

On that note, need coffee. Have a good day, and if you have a blog, I’ll stop by later!

I know you’ve seen it before, but it was worth another view. Happy Winter Solstice, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Xmas Eve, and Happy Mercury in Retrograde. And if I forgot something, the pic should cover it!!!

I’m taking off for Pittsburgh in a few hours (via Wheeling, to drop off Bryan and Paul). The car is washed, vacuumed and has freshly changed oil. Thanks to Shawn for watching my babies for me while I’m away. (Aside to Shawn: There are some goodies for you on the kitchen counter! And I’m sure the girls will leave you a surprise in the litterbox, too. Oh, and that bag of green herbs is meant for kitties, not humans! Heh.)

See you all on Sunday! Lots of love and luck to you all during this festive season!

‘Tis the season for peace on earth and a piece of ass. Failing that, to give gifts and head. Because I will be giving no head this holiday season (nor getting my stocking stuffed), here is my gift to you. Enjoy! (And if anybody has a copy of Joni Mitchell’s “River,” I would love to have it. Thanks!)

Merry Fucking Christmas (Mr. Garrison)

Chirstmastime in Hell (Satan and Hitler)

Last Christmas (Wham)

Santa Baby (Kylie M.)

Please Come Home for Xmas (Jon Bon Jovi)

River (Indigo Girls)

River (Robert Downey Jr.)

All I Want for Chirstmas (Samantha Mumba)

Santa Got Stuck in My Chimney (Lisa Nicole Carson)

Xmas (Baby Please Come Home (Jon Bon Jovi)

White Christmas (Vonda Shepard, Robert Downey Jr.)

Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (Sarah McLachlan & BNL)

Apparently “Queer Eye” reached the basements of Iraq. See here for the complete story.

Story found via Tiff.

One of my favorite interviewees sent me a gift today — a silver-and-black pen/stylus in a pretty silver case. The message in the card:

“I hope this little gift helps you with your already great gift for writing!”

*sob* That really made my day!

The muse is back. It’s a sequel to her previous visit. This one, though, is edited to protect the innocent. 🙂

Version of myself

I’ve changed so much

Since you crashed into my world

And I’d thought I was so

Articulate and thoughtful and sensitive

But I guess I wasn’t

At least, not enough

There’s something about you

That makes me want to be

A better version of myself

Not necessarily a different person

Nor someone whom you would find

Attractive or pleasant to be around

I don’t know

I guess I have watched you

For some time now

And you continually

Have this effect on me

I mean, I’ve always said

Exactly what’s on my mind

At the exact moment it occurs to me

And I’ve never really edited or censored

The slightest syllable

That has fallen from my lips

But you’re so sensitive

So observant, attentive and

So sweet

That I’d rather bleed myself dry

Than ever cause a moment of hurt

Or confusion

Or discomfort

In your life

You’ve seen enough of that already

And I still say whatever I want

But I take so much more time

More care

More pause

With my words and thoughts

Have you noticed the difference

Or have you always known

This better person resides within me

Somewhere

I’ve noticed

In dialoging with you

That I mentally stop myself

Before I say something

That could be misconstrued

And revise how I say it

(Sometimes, I revise it after

The wrong words have fallen

From my lips

And still you listen to me openly)

Because I’d rather my voice

Be something you want to hear

Again

When we’re apart

And lately

You’ve told me how you enjoy

Our time together

Our chats

Our laughter

And the feeling is mutual

But how do I say this

Without editing out too much

The sentiment behind it

How do I say that

Not only do I like

Talking so intensely as we have

But that I’ve come to depend on it

More than any breath of oxygen

I could ever inhale

That I not only adore you

But also the person I become

When we’re in touch

Sometimes I feel

We’ve gone as far as we could

And there’s always been that line

That we’ve sworn not to cross

(Although, let’s face it, it’s been blurred

For quite awhile now)

You’ve been my hero

On so many occasions

And I’d like to be the same for you

In a different environment

A deeper one

A more personal one

Maybe on the other side of that surface

That we’re so conscious of

I’m tired of being so aware

That there are certain things

We should never say

Never feel

Never dream about

But the only ones placing those restrictions

On us

Are us

So what if

I told you all of this

How much I admire you

How much I’ve come to adore you

How much better a version of myself

That I have become

With your unknowing influence

And how much better I could be

With a simple touch

To accompany the smiles

The laughter

The incredible times

We seem to have

And seem to have in store

For a long time to come

If only we let it happen

Because this version of me

Fits so well with you.

OK, I’ve made about three dozen pretzel wreaths and about four dozen balls. My back HURTS!!!

I took a break to watch “Daria” (where I heard my favorite line, in response to a psychiatrist asking her if she always talks to computers, “Only when the refrigerator is mad at me.” *snort*) and decided to get back to the Betty Crocked (you heard me right) schtick. I started two cookie recipes, only to find that I am missing unsweetened cocoa for one and honey for the other. Jimminy Christmas, what the hell? I could always do peanut butter balls, but my back will never forgive me for that.

Oh, my apartment rental place thought it would be cute to turn off the heat in our building during business hours. This, I did not have a problem with, because it was a nice day outside. But now, at 10:15 p.m., I am cold and SO IS THE AIR IN MY APARTMENT. Oh yes, the heat is NOT back on — it’s all a/c right now. And I haven’t managed to get my electric blanket and comforter cleaned, so it’ll be layers of clothing tonight. *sigh*

Unrelated, I had a scheme cooked up. One thing you need to understand about me is that I am always up to something. People always comment that I always have a look on my face that makes them think I am up to no good. They are right. 🙂 Problem is, I am motivated by my schemes, and when I call them off, it’s like a huge letdown. And I’m calling off the new one. For now, anyway, till a better one occurs to me.

The next two days at work are going to be cake, I tell you. Thank god. I’m overdue for some slacking. I just have to do some schedules for the new year, but I have them down on paper already; I just need to reformat and distribute them. Nearly everyone is out of the office, so I can actually keep my door open without fear of unwanted visitors. Woo hoo! I always have a big “Do Not Disturb — Disturbed Enough Already!” sign up, and it usually keeps out the “career visitors.” At least the office gossips had the sense to take vacation days this week instead of showing up and then taking vacation on company time! 🙂

OK, next time I set about making Kahlua balls, amaretto balls and buckeyes, will somebody PLEASE slap some sense into me and force me to buy a food processor? Sheesh. I’ve been smashing cookies and nuts in plastic bags with the back of an ice cream scoop till my arms are sore.

Well, maybe not slap sense into me, but a few swats to the bottom would suffice. 🙂

I’m experimenting with recipes today. I’ll probably have to make more come New Year’s time. And the nuts still aren’t smashed into a fine enough powder for my taste. But still, I’m playing with balls, and I haven’t done that in a LONG time!!! (I guess I’ve lost my touch!)

Rejected title: ‘You ain’t gonna shit right for a week!’

My god, it is pandemonium out there in the stores today! I Everyone’s cranky and rude and literally shoving you out of the way if you take two minutes to figure out which brand of cat food you feel like buying. Sheesh.

I was in line at Wal-Mart today, and the woman behind me kept bumping me in the ass with her cart. Luckily, my ass is padded quite adequately, so it wasn’t that she was inflicting pain or anything. But seriously, I was just rocking back and forth on my feet, and the second I would lean forward, she would think I was moving and would move her buggy farther up my ass. And when I went to run my credit card in the machine, she knocked me off my feet one last time. I am not real pleasant anyway, but I finally turned around and said, “Can ya quit shoving the cart up my ass PLEASE?” She quickly apologized and didn’t move another inch till I had taken my bags and left the line. Asshole.

Then I got the bright idea that I feel like baking — money is tight this year, so I figured that maybe I should make some sweet treats for my friends (in hopes, I’ll admit, that they will acquire nice, cushy asses like mine after eating lots of cookies. LOL). Of course, I got everything but the Kahlua (to make Kahlua balls — Angie’s were such a hit at Shawn’s party that I’m going to try to replicate the recipe), but I’ll just do that tomorrow. At this late hour, I don’t much feel like baking.

I’m going to attempt to do my pretzel wreaths — they’re simple but tiring. What you do is dip the top of small pretzels into white chocolate and do two circles, one on top of the other and alternating. Then you take licorice strings and lace up the ends that aren’t dipped. I even bought red and green sprinkles to decorate the white chocolate. Yeah, I get into this shit sometimes. 🙂 Although, knowing me, the ingredients will sit here for the next year or two until I actually get up the energy to make them. 🙂

Shawn and I went to see “Bad Santa” yesterday at this theater on Wisconsin Avenue that we walked around for 15 minutes in the freezing cold, trying to find it. There are signs everywhere for it, but who’da thunk it that you’d have to go around the block and around the side of a building and down some steps to see the fucking theater?

Ahem.

In any event, it was a dark comedy (and totally up our alley). Our favorite line (and there were many to choose from) was when Billy Bob Thornton was butt-fucking a woman in a dressing room, and John Ritter as the store manager overheard Billy saying, “You ain’t gonna shit right for a week!” *snort* Beautiful, I tell you.

It’s just not Christmas for me this year. I used to adore the holiday — from the shopping to the decorating to the parties and gift exchanges. Now, it’s like I can barely get through the season. This year, everyone’s poor (including family), so we’ve all agreed to not exchange gifts. And I didn’t decorate, either. I’m not the slightest bit religious (other than screaming “Oh God” in bed sometimes — whether with or without a partner — thank you Radio Shack for your double A battery sale! LOL), so the meaning of the season is kind of lost on me anyway, especially without my own traditions in effect. That’s kind of why I wanted to do some baking — to at least make some holiday-related treats to give away (and to consume in mass quantities, of course!).

If anyone’s got any neat cookie recipes, though, I’d love to have them. Feel free to post ’em in the comments — Mom and I are going to do the “family” thing and do some baking when I trek up to Pittsburgh later this week.