Caterwauling

Yesterday brought a miracle, my new nephew H.  

My friends have been trying to have a baby for years. There are no options, natural or scientific, that they did not explore. 

And yesterday at 10:05 a.m., the world got a little bigger and a whole lot cuter. 

Having a baby is the ultimate act of faith. You somehow trust the universe will take care of him, of you, of your family for the rest of your lives. 

My faith is not that big. I wish it were. All I have to do is look at the news and see the peaceful protest for the violent death of Corey Jones, see another local cop who shot a dog who was waiting in an open car for his owner to take him to the vet, see the girl raped on a cop car in mah ‘hood and he got off Scot-free, and see the funeral of a high school friend’s nephew … and it’s not a world i want to be in, let alone put any kind of faith into. 

But if anyone can handle raising a good child in a messed-up world, my friends can. And I’ll do everything I can to help because I believe in them. 

I wonder if the two girls upstairs were as wanted as H. I’d bet not. I imagine these two twits upstairs just did their jungle boogie after a fight and bam, shit out kids. Just what the world needs, for that demon spawn to perpetuate. Sigh. 

It’s a long shot to hope they will turn out well. But the universe has a funny way of giving me the finger. They may not act civilized at their next house. But eventually they will grow up and move out on their own. And one day, I won’t even remember that I ever knew them because I’ll be hanging by the pool with people I actually want to be around. 

And the act of faith it’s taking to think that way may be the biggest one I’ve achieved in years. 

I awakened with a start at 5:47 a.m., which is usually when someone dumps a bucket of nails or a case of basketballs on my head. 

But there was no noise in my room. Sad how I have come to expect a rude awakening. 

Mom was the lucky recipient today. They must have all slept in her room. 

We went out on the balcony to feed the ducks. Thundercunt stormed out there — them throwing open and then slamming their sliding glass door a million times a day is an added bonus to living here — and screamed inside, “This has got to stop!”

For once, we agree on something. 

Kids are stomping around now like their feet are encased in wet concrete. 

Three more weeks of this shit. 

You can just go ahead and eat me while you’re at it.

Two things happened on the way home from work Monday as I was contemplating driving the POS car into the ocean so I didn’t have to go home to my loud-ass apartment and do more work. (That I didn’t end up doing. Because, traumatized.)

I had the rare pleasure of taking the A1A. Rare because I don’t live on it anymore. In any event, I had to go back to the mainland and hop on the freeway. Which I admit I like living by the freeway because it’s so convenient.

In any event, I was at an intersection, ready to turn right on red. But that weird little voice told me not to.

I was facing west. A guy on a Vespa came from the south, going north, through the intersection. Then some jagoff going southbound decided to turn east on a dime.

Jagoff (gold car, maybe a sedan. I wasn’t paying attention) DROVE INTO the Vespa guy. He went sailing into the air and the bike flew across the intersection and practically under my car.

He was mostly fine. Bike was mostly fine. Bicyclist who witnessed it all helped him. He kept saying, “You had the right of way. You had the right of way.” In total disbelief.

Why the disbelief?

The fucking gold car driver KEPT DRIVING AND NEVER CAME BACK.

I sat there for a while. I was horrified. I couldn’t unclamp my hands from my mouth.

I mean, I live amongst psychos, yes. But they never MOWED ME OVER. Not to say they wouldn’t, given the opportunity. But mother of God, WHO HITS A GUY off his bike?

He had been smiling and riding along. I remember that. It was kind of why I didn’t want to turn. I didn’t see the need to ruin his flow. I had no one behind me to honk so I was cool taking a rare slow moment.

Jesus H. PEOPLE. Faith in humanity shaken.

So the other thing.

There’s a local reporter who has a connection to one of my old bosses in D.C. I ended up following the local girl’s blog because she and her twin sister both got married around the age of 35 and they gave me hope that I might still have a shot at my happily ever after.

We’re over 40 together now. They were so happy … until now. The reporter girl’s husband just died suddenly.

Her spirit is amazing. She’s taking some time off from the paper and blogging so she can adjust to her new reality.

She presents a brave front. But my heart aches because I just assumed that when we wait our whole lives to find the love we deserve, I would hope that we’d get more than, say, five years with our Prince Charmings.

I give her credit that they traveled and ate good food and went to all the cool events and totally LIVED. I think I’m sadder for myself that I never had that love (and never found anyone with the same spirit and pocketbook for adventure).

I already know what it’s like to live without it, and now it’s her new (or renewed) reality.

So, yeah.

Tonight I’ll say a prayer for Vespa guy, that he’s OK and he made it home all right. And I’ll pray for L and for healing to come sooner rather than later.

But more importantly, I’ll pray. Something I haven’t felt compelled to do for a long, long time because it’s been tiring not having them acknowledged. (Heck, I wasn’t even shooting high enough for “answered.”) But I hope tonight’s prayers will be heard loud and clear by anyone who can do anything about them.

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My new favorite word must be dipwad. Given how many times I’ve said it. 

The good news is, I come up with a new word every week. So if anyone ever finds my phone (*gulp*), they’ll think I just know a lot of, um, short-bus drivers who are a couple tacos shy of a value meal because they couldn’t find their ass cheeks even with Siri’s help.  Noodles. 

So yeah. Look at the pretty photos instead if you get your hands on my phone. But perhaps stay away from some of the videos …  😉

Generally speaking, if you tell someone eight times in two days to not do something … and then they do it AGAIN … isn’t that reason enough to pull off their ears and stuff them up their butt?

Great Saturday. Fun morning hijinx, picked up the TV I bought for my birthday, and a fun night out.

Nice escape from my newfound chronic anxiety. 

I had a tiny tv so it’s good to have one we can see. But today I learned mom’s eyesight is nearly gone. She’s been “watching” the tiny TV without complaint. I love her so much and I’m so very sad that her life is the way it is. 

I’m tired of wasting time on horrible human beings who are shooting accusations like bullets at Yosemite Sam’s feet. Tired of jumping every 10 minutes. 

Tired-er still of Dippity Dumbfuck. I feel like all the frustration within me is just attracting more of it. 

I’m done. I’m so done. 

I’m so happy sitting in front of my less-little TV. (I got it on a huge sale and with a coupon. Best $200 I ever spent.) But can’t believe how much stress and sadness and fear and anxiety I’ve felt, and yet I still don’t feel like I deserve this reward. 

If you’ve ever tried to scan my 14-year archives (gah), you get the error message in the title of this post.

I think I need it emblazoned on a T-Shirt today.

Up all night thanks to screaming neighbors upstairs. I called the cops at 11:30 p.m.

They came. And went.

The neighbors stood outside and screamed at them for a half-hour, browbeating them into revealing who the “anonymous caller” is who brought them there.

They caved. I’m toast. They will find me. They guaranteed it.

You know, instead of SHUTTING THE FUCK UP and acknowledging you’re in a nice fucking building full of people who don’t need to hear your domestic violence.

They went right back to screaming and throwing shit till well into the wee hours of the night.

This is a huge day in my world. Not for any good reasons. I’m about to catch an absolute avalanche of stuff. And now that the crackheads have finally fallen asleep, I don’t know how to stay awake to do it all.

Glad I worked late last night. Not that I could come home and relax. But at least I got one “today” project done in advance.

Now if only I could stay awake long enough to do the rest.