Caterwauling

After my friend E. asked me if I was antisemitic for — gasp — a meme that (correctly) expressed my frustration with zionists (among others) …

She’s returned to liking all my posts.

Look, I had no problem cutting off all my MAGA connections.

Turns out, I don’t give a fuck about my Democratic ones, either.

I got so sick of her commenting on all my shit (positively!) that I hit the unfriend button.

That’s the thing when “your person” dies.

That’s the relationship you should have saved (ok maybe not from death, though I did try).

Any other relationship?

Expendable.

I don’t have hard feelings.

But I don’t need to be reminded every time I see them of how angry their question made me.

I mentioned this shit to one of my Black staffers.

She said, “You? Is she CRAZY? You love everyone. You treat us all so well. I can’t imagine you being anything other than loving.”

That was perspective I needed desperately in that moment.

It made me realize that, as a supervisor, I have learned how to approach people better than most.

So I can’t get too mad at someone asking me something bluntly rather than thoughtfully.

I’ve ignored people’s comments. Like Renee’s family and their shitty comments about “brown people.”

I’ve also been more direct with, “Hey, I know your heart. But that phrase you used can be triggering for some. Just wanted to let you know it may be taken in a way you don’t want.”

I’ve also done the fake apology, as I did with the antisemitic shit. The “I’m sorry it came across a certain way.” Which she took as a genuine apology.

Which it wasn’t.

Fuck Netanyahu. Fuck Trump for capitulating to him. Fuck everyone who can’t see that the Holocaust and the genocide in Gaza and Ukraine are REALLY FUCKING SIMILAR.

Wanting a free Palestine makes me this? Insane.

Not to falsely equate the Holocaust with modern genocide, because that isn’t the intent. But also not to act like they aren’t achieving the same outcome through modified means.

I know Mom really liked E. She liked Renee too. And she loved Mike.

But she could still separate how they spoke to/treated me from the best she saw (or wanted to see) in them.

And she’d still think (insert name of someone I avoid like trumpers avoid vaccines) was a motherfucking dick.

Film at 11 for that one. God I hate this asshole, more today than usual, but at least I don’t have to pretend to be friends. But i also can’t cut him off.

I am well aware of all the times I smile and laugh and “9.0 hair flip!” for someone who would wipe their ass with my hair.

I’m also well aware of how I slam down the phone and can’t speak to anyone for four hours after that performative nonsense on my part.

White men and accountability, amirite?

An old college friend passed this week.

I sent his partner a note to say wow, they’d been each other’s person since we all had a “1” in our ages.

Long before we all had a “5” in front of it.

I didn’t ask her any questions. Not even when I got the funeral arrangements.

When another of our college friends passed — one of MY people — she reached out and was respectful in that same way.

I wasn’t ready to talk. I’m still not.

That’s the thing. We owe NOBODY.

Anyway, I’m sad that there’s no longer a world with Jason in it.

Good looking guy. So sweet. Cat dad. Liberal. Loved his lady, nature, his family and friends.

I mean, even if I didn’t already know him as a great person, I would have guessed that this was a tragic loss.

But knowing them both as I did — and she and I have stayed fairly connected — I know the size of a hole that his absence leaves.

I know she went through some major shit with her job recently. Eventually landed somewhere great.

But I remember thinking, how nice to have a partner who supports you burning your career to the ground to take a stand against injustice there.

So, I liked him extra for letting her be her. Just the way we like her.

Pour one out for Jason tonight, if you can. And his three cats.

Magic will tell you, no one loves you quite like the one who left you.