Literally every text in my phone right now.
Friends. Family. Candidates.
Listen, as my Nicole starts off all her texts to me. 😀
I came to the conclusion that the least depressing thing about my apartment was Cocoa and Momma dying in it.
As I shop-vac the A/C closet … as I drag litter up the steps … as I kill ants and can’t use half the kitchen sink and there isn’t enough electricity to power the vacuum cleaner AND my workstation …
I realize I’ve been mentally checked out for a long time.
It’s not just the house. Though Gram always said “it’s the house’s fault” to everything.
Maybe she’s right.
I was telling my boss, who believes we were put on this earth to CREATE …
I don’t create here. I manage.
I wrote 16 books by the time I was 30 in shittier apartments than this.
I haven’t so much as written a grocery note here.
And really, how can I be inspiring at work when I am not inspired in general?
I mean, probably grounds for a layoff for even saying that. But he knows I am not one to claim my way is the best way.
I always say that, despite myself, I appear to be in love with my qualities that frustrate you the most.
And frankly we are all in love with ourselves, for better or worse.
Can’t argue with that.
It would just be nice to wake up and be in love with life.
And it hit me in a big way that ain’t gonna happen here.
Like no I do not want to Teams/Facetime from this shithole.
No I do not want to do an ounce more than what’s expected of me if it means it’s going to cut into my free time.
I mean, the last part isn’t really true. I’m going to some all day religious shindig tomorrow (kill me) to support one of my employees.
And I met Don Jr. twice and Eric once, so no one will ever say I don’t do ANYTHING to support my job.
But I did a tarot reading and it said I have been leaving big money on the table.
And man did that resonate.
I don’t want to leave money on the table.
It’s mine and goddamn it I’m going to figure out how to get it.
So if you don’t hear from me for more months, expect to hear from me again from a completely different place in life.