Caterwauling

Kelly said she needs my help manifesting. She’s blocked.

I felt blocked too, so I did an experiment.

I told the universe on New Year’s Eve to bring me a man in his 40s who’s divorced, kids optional. Who lives near Disney and has an IncrediPass.

So … I wasn’t the slightest bit surprised when I met Mike. On New Year’s Eve. Divorced. Recently moved to Kissimmee from Philadelphia.

The only really weird part was I got in line for a photo and decided nah, not in the mood.

So I came back … and the line was longer.

And there was this guy decked out in Eagles and Disney gear, annoying the guy in front of him.

I have zero idea why I became charitable. But I figured I should at least give the guy in front a break from this conversation he was clearly not interested in.

Mike was loud. Talked a lot about himself. Did ask questions but didn’t seem like he listened to the answers.

When we got to the front, the photographer asked if we were together. I was like noooooo I want my own pictures thanks.

Mike waited for me. And he had listened after all, asking if I wanted to see Glimmering Greenhouses one more time before it’s gone for the season.

Hell yeah I did.

We went to Soarin’ and went on The Land and it was fun even though it wasn’t dark enough outside yet.

We met his friend Gil, whereupon I realized ohhhh these are the Disney Vloggers.

I like watching their stuff but they annoy me online lol.

Apparently there was a tribute to Adam the Woo at Magic Kingdom that night. Who I distinctly remembered getting kicked out of Disney for going into backstage areas where he didn’t belong.

But in any event, Adam just died so now there’s talk of a Charlie Kirk like memorial. To a vlogger.

My guess is it won’t happen. But in any event, what a weird turn my day took.

Another guy came by to comment on the Eagles jacket. Got lots of those comments. And Mike lit up and had so much fun with it.

This guy mentioned that The Symphony of Us fireworks would be at 6:30 and we’d be singing Auld Lang Syne at 7 p.m at the England Pavilion.

That’s why I upgraded my Sorcerer/DVC pass to IncrediPass. I wanted to ring in the new years all over the world.

Of course, it was like 40 degrees and I was freezing my bunny off. So my plan was to see France and England and then boogie back to Hollywood Studios.

(A story for another day of how I got intercepted by Disney security on the way to Hollywood. JFC I’m such a dumbass sometimes.)

Anyway, proving once again that he listened to me after all, Mike offered to buy me a drink at the France Pavilion.

Hell. Yeah.

We got frozen hot choccy martinis, my favorite. Also those were to have been discontinued the day before, so we got lucky.

He was super bummed that I had had one an hour before I met him.

Oops.

But this was about to be my fourth of the season. Last year I got ONE and I was grateful. Four … and another sexy Philadelphian bought my third one too? LUCKY GIRL.

Tra la la long story short, we ended up drinking our martinis right where the French cast members counted down to new year’s in their home country. And everyone erupted in song.

Mike apologized for making me miss new year’s in France, but we were only like 300 feet away. It was fine.

He loved how low-key and laid back and happy to be there I was.

He loved my intellect and jokes and knowledge and spirit.

And of course he asked why I was single and if he could have my number.

When he said I’m a catch, I said, “I know.”

What I didn’t write here were all the red flags I saw and we didn’t even hit the Spain pavilion. (Because Epcot made plans for one but never built it, hah!)

TBH he reminded me of Frito from Idiocracy. In a good way. But probably not a good sign overall.

But yes, we traded numbers and talked back and forth as he ran to MK and I went to Britain with literally EVERY OTHER PERSON IN THE PARK.

And then I went to the dance party in Hollywood and back to the hotel for amazing food and even more amazing fireworks.

So, I rang in the new year exactly as I wanted.

As I manifested, really.

I told Kelly next year we’re going to go to ACTUAL PARIS. Epcot was cool but if I am gonna freeze my balls off, I want a Christmas Market and a hot baguette at the end of it.

Anyway yes I’m still talking to Mike.

But this was a lesson to learn for me.

Not only does your girl here still have it …

The gift of manifestation, that is …

But that I need to get a little more specific about it.

So let’s make 2026 the year of amour.

I seek to manifest a handsome man in his 40s, divorced amicably, spiritually healthy, and who can afford a Club 33 membership for both of us. And who either wants to take me to all the Disneys or who wants to pay for me to take Kelly.

So mote it be.

And so, by this day next year, it will be.

I take inspiration from Pampers commercials apparently, as that’s where this title came from.

I was really thinking about how the “president” wears Pampers and was amused at the alliteration.

I wasted today completely. I do that every day I am home, really.

Every week, I take a list of work into the weekend. And every week, I say I’ll do it later … later … later.

It’s how I treat every deadline. I could work on it Saturday morning and have the rest of the weekend free.

Or I could work on it Sunday at 9 p.m. and it’s still done for Monday.

Boss type people hate that.

But what they don’t know is how miserable it is to function that way.

Like, I don’t build furniture or do anything other than basic cleaning to make sure the cats have bowls and clean potties.

So, then I feel doubly like ass. I didn’t do anything for the team or myself.

But that stupid Pampers commercial gets me.

Look, I know I’m not going through physical growth spurts.

(Ahem, tell that to my credit card when I bought a bunch of shit in one size on Black Friday … and had to buy bigger sizes at regular price two weeks later.)

But Kelly told me the other day that she’s seen me do a lot of healing in 2025.

To quote, “A LOT.”

Like well it’s more fun to cry in Orange County — both of them — rather than Palm Beach County in a depressing house with a depressing MAGA neighbor.

What no one knows is I got brave and threw out a bunch of Mom’s bathroom stuff.

I’ve kept everything “just so” — her beloved hot rollers, her toothbrush, her shaver, her hairspray, her vibrator. (Hah, sorry Momma!)

And I didn’t throw it all out. But I need hairspray in my Disney suitcase. And I don’t like her shampoo. And I already used her body wash. So I’m down to the rollers and that final item I can’t bring myself to touch. 😀

I even threw out one of her towels and one of her nightgowns.

I kept the towel she used last, as I like it and I can always donate it to the animal shelter like I did with most of the rest of her brand-new bedding.

I also kept the nightgown with the blood on it from where I got a little lax with changing bandages because everything hurt her so much.

Anyway I’m starting to be ready to go through more of her stuff. And really, let’s face it, to let it go.

None of it is expensive; just cherished. By her.

I imagine the only thing I’ll keep are the hot rollers. They are older than I am. And my grandfather redid the wiring, so that’s probably the last of him I have, other than his guitar and his flag bolo tie.

In any event, I admit I lie in bed like Cindy Brian Wilson did.

(Just throwing some red meat to my one reader! Also BNL didn’t write a song about either of us, so I expect she’ll be delighted we have something in common. She’ll probably be at Disney next, just you wait.)

Anyway I get it. When you just don’t wanna and wouldn’t even if you could.

Of course, when I had someone to take care of, I wanted to and there was no “couldn’t” in my vocabulary.

Sorry to say I either need someone to take care of (no) or a good scare (probably coming) to get my ass in gear.

Of course, when you’ve lost the most important things, fear is really hard to come by other than FOMO.

I have a feeling my FOMO is about to get tested in a big way.

Kelly said that too — she doesn’t feel settled either right now.

Like, something is UP in the world and it isn’t just our idiot president bombing eight countries in a year and kidnapping the Venezuelan president in the next.

Oh well. Guess we’ll find out soon enough. Gonna keep growing in place in the meantime.

I texted Kelly last night to say hello before I threw my phone i to the Guitar Hotel pool.

Tired of not looking or feeling good and having to pretend I am not online.

I mean I really am AFK a lot. But how do you tell everyone you feel and look like shit when you aren’t out?

Kelly says she ignores FaceTime and calls back like a normal person.

Or she ignores calls and then texts back.

I may have to employ those tactics.

But first I gotta deal with 26 unread texts.

Maybe next year.