Made the mistake of scrolling through some hot takes of “The Life of a Showgirl.”
Given that I actually pay to publish my own hot takes, I’m going to do that!
One, the CD jacket. The songs are arranged in the shape of The Eras Tour stage. Genius.
Two, it’s so Millennial coded. We looked fire. Keep it 100. Etc. This is our yearbook for 2025 with all the sayings she immortalized.
Three, when we heard Max & Shellback came back to work on this one, half of Swiftiedom lamented that. Bitches, they gave us Red and Reputation — you don’t get to claim you’re a “Rep girlie” if you complain. That said, I remain a Red/Rep girlie. No skips, all good.
Four, Taylor and I have always gone through our life stages together. Every album was a mirror to my life. There are some serious, serious parallels in Showgirl to my own life. Though I wish there were more, like a man who’s breaking my back every night with his “hard rock.”
Five, the tracks:
The Fate of Ophelia — I’ll comment on the video, since the Showgirl Release Party focused on showing us the video, then the making of it, then the video again. Genius. Also, Tay got all her dancers and backup singers together on it. Was it shot during the tour? Or did she say let me get my people back together? Either way, dance captain Amanda Balen was always Mom’s favorite and she remains mine too.
Elizabeth Taylor — Gram used to wear her perfumes. She loved Passion, the violet one. And Gram bought me White Diamonds at a young age, so I’d grow up to appreciate fine fragrances. No wonder my average perfume bottle costs $350.
The song became an early favorite for me. “You’re only as hot as your last hit, baby.”
I haven’t figured out the direct connection to Liz yet other than “I’d cry my eyes violet.” But it will come.
Opalite — This is my overall favorite. I have plenty of opalite in the house. And this feels like a personal anthem.
I relate to “You were dancing through the lightning strikes.” I take it to mean that through all the failed “Ships” (relation and friend), she remained true to herself and what she wanted. And that she never gave up hope on finding it, because she knew what she was looking for all along.
Father Figure — I feel a way about this because I thought there would be more of a direct connection to George Michael. Not one lyric, not one sample, nothing.
That said, I see her coming to terms with the Scott Borchetta of it all. Scooter Braun is a cad. We know that. But the line about taking care of the family made me think family friend Borchetta said that.
Also the girl boss of it all — SHE is the father figure. And she sees herself through Borchetta’s eyes. Maybe as someone ungrateful and angry. Like, he protected her till he didn’t.
Some say this is her passing the torch to the Sabrinas and the Gracies. I don’t see her passing any torch. She’s keeping it. And drinking that brown liquor.
Eldest Daughter — I feel a way about this too. Track 5 is always “my” song. But it’s no, say, “Dress” or “All Too Well.” But … that’s not a bad thing.
It has grown on me because it’s all about how we hide what we like/want/need so people don’t fuck that up for us. And we hide our joy at “Ferris wheels, kisses, and lilacs” because others will find it uncool.
This is where she’s starting to say hey, I will always take care of you (parents, fans) but I also really kinda want to be married too. And if you find that uncool, well, that’s no longer my problem.
Ruin the Friendship — This was so lovely. She brought back Abigail! And name-dropped 50 Cent!
I love the recurring theme that there was no invitation. No invitation to kiss him, no invitation to his funeral. The one time she acted on her feelings, it was to fly home to his gravesite, rather than to see if there was something real when they had the chance.
“And my advice is to always answer the question / Better that than to ask it all your life.”
It explains my 40s. All those years we didn’t fuck up our friendships. Until we did.
And you know what? We lived.
We lived in the sense of having the time of our lives … and we lived through it, even if we walked away wounded.
Actually Romantic — I imagine there’s some hot take about this song on a BlueSky right now.
I love this one.
And not because I have this single white female type who’s obsessed with me.
I’ve long asked the question, why the obsession with me? Six years of running commentary (and some imagined scenarios on her part) about me is beyond weird.
But when I dare type how fascinating it is that a female would pay such rapt attention to me … her response reminds me of the DL-LGBTQs who crash Grindr every time the GOP gets together.
Taylor puts it more elegantly than I did, that “No man has ever loved me like you do.”
Sorry (not sorry), Charli.
I mean, my Charli is clearly concerned for my health.
Have I gotten a covid booster. Am I wearing a mask out to protect myself and others. I didn’t realize that when I read the screeching. I just assumed she wanted me to walk home from Vegas and sit shiva at home.
Now I see, she just loves me like no else did.
Wi$h Li$t — This is Eldest Daughter Part 2. Like you want things and I hope you get them all. But I want my man and my privacy. And goddamn it, I got it!
My favorite line was an ode to Kylie Kelce — “Have a couple kids / got the whole block looking like you.”
Kylie’s genes stayed home when those kids were made. Same with Mama Kelce. Might a Swift kid look anything like Mother? Not sure at this point!
And that she’s dreaming about a driveway with a basketball hoop — Kylie has all girls (four of them!) and I bet Tay goes on to have a couple boys. Which she alluded to in “Anti-Hero” that her daughter-in-law killed her for the money (“She thinks I left them in the will.”)
Tay is the manifestation QUEEN. So mote it be. I bet we get a surprise twin boy surrogate delivery within the next year.
Wood — Travis probably swaggered into work on Friday like the baddest bitch in the whole damn town.
Like yeah I’m marrying the most famous woman in the world, and she sang a whole song about my redwood-tree-sized cock.
Can I put having my own Travis Kelce on MY Wi$h Li$t?
Cancelled! — Oh girlie. The British spelling, really?
The trolls online say this is about that MAGA moron Britany Mahomes. No way.
“I like my friends cloaked in Gucci and in scandal” is all Blake. And “We’re the ones with matching scars” — Baldoni coded. for sure.
So many twits out there say she and Blake haven’t been together since the Baldoni shit began, so clearly Tay hates her.
Taylor dropped a whole fucking album and none of you idiots knew about it. She turns up at weddings and we don’t know till the pictures come out. Also haven’t none of yinz heard of FaceTime?
Taylor is the godmother to Blake’s four kids. I am sure she behaves like one.
Honey — This was my least favorite at first because of how hard it hit home.
Kelly’s awful roommate calls her “Babe.” And it just sets me on edge because it’s a term of endearment used as a weapon. Like Honey or sweetheart or darling or lovely.
Like Taylor points out, people say that shit to do everything to avoid paying them a sincere compliment.
“They were saying that skirt don’t fit me / And I cried the whole way home” hit me hard.
I was at Magic Kingdom last Christmas. In a very cute wintery outfit, with a red bow sweater and a red plaid Halara skort.
Well some well-meaning woman sidled up to me while I was taking a selfie and told me my underwear was showing.
That selfie.
“Lady to lady, I thought you’d want to know so you could fix it.”
Lady to lady has haunted me for 10 months.
Bitch, it’s a flouncy miniskirt with shorts attached.
And I got a bubble butt.
Mom always said we had “Bonga Butts.” I do not know what that means. But something that used to make me laugh now makes me so unhappy.
So BOY did I feel her that her “skirt didn’t fit right.” Says who? Some dumbass in Magic Kingdom?
Also I’ve gone to MK about 14 times since then. I have seen enough butt cheeks and ass crack on people from size zero to size 30. I am not saying I was gorgeous, but I am saying I was pretty well covered in comparison.
I imagine she really did mean well. Maybe she thought I was classier than most and that I’d appreciate it.
I didn’t. I still don’t. I like people like her Cancelled.
Extra L for losers.
The Life of a Showgirl (ft. Sabrina Carpenter) — I want to like Sabrina. I really do. But It’s hard and I don’t know why.
I think it’s because Sabrina showed up at NOLA Night 2 and my ticket was for NOLA Night 3.
Anyway the song is actual perfection, I grudgingly admit. Tay and Sab’s voices are perfect together as they tell Kitty’s story. The word lovely reappears here. But in a more sincere way.
The line that sticks with me here is when they both sing, “They leave showgirls for dead.”
Given all the hate online by MAGAs AND Swifties for the album and the Release Party, we really do leave them for dead.
The Life of a Showgirl is a perfect epilogue to The Eras Tour.
And unlike the MAGA Swiftiedom that’s waiting for TS13 to rip that apart too, I’m going to let our girl enjoy her getting a good deep dicking every night era … and maybe admit that I could use that too.
