Twosies
The more attention I pay to my life, the more I notice a pattern of things happening in twos.
The proverbial “they” say that things happen in threes. Insofar as deaths, I’ve experienced that phenomenon. But when it comes to good luck, perhaps I’m underachieving, but I notice that things in my life happen in twos.
Speaking in vagueries, I ask you to think about it. Safeway always offers 2-for-1 deals. Shoe stores have you buy one and get the other half-off. Job seekers spend a great deal of time digesting themselves because they are unemployed but often get two offers at the same time. Singles find themselves lonely for months but then suddenly get two offers FOR THE SAME NIGHT!
I think it’s the universe’s way of apologizing to us — like, it’s trying to say, “I suck. I know. After (X amount of time of complete and utter barrenness), I will give you the joy of making a CHOICE!”
I’m not complaining — I have tended to take advantage of all of the above situations, typically shuffling the schedule around a bit to accommodate everything. A part of me thinks it’s being greedy to not say no to things, but the part of me who seems to still feel like she’s weathered the Great Depression and desperately fears another season devoid of any sprig of hope, I almost believe I’d be doing myself a disservice if I didn’t take advantage of every single opportunity that presented itself. And, there’s another very humbled part of me that wonders if I deserve such fortune to have a bounty before me from which to choose. The opposite part of me remembers what it has been like to go hungry (without nutritional nourishment) and not even have spiritual nourishment to keep me alive. That opposite part also watches people feasting at the expense of others and continually tempting karma with their “the world revolves around me” ways.
As a Gemini, I deal with duality all the time — some things come in pairs, while others are diametrically opposed. As such, I have a very hard time making choices, always wondering if the other option not chosen would have been more fulfilling. On the other hand (there goes that dichotomy again!), I believe intuition always steers us toward the right course and that we don’t ever really need to consciously make a choice. I guess I just wish we had more time while we are young enough to sample all that life offers us. And, because I have a mad addiction to lines from “The Prince of Tides,” I submit to you the following: “And I wished again that there were two lives apportioned to every man … and every woman.”
*sigh* The reasons behind this blog entry are properly hidden between the lines. But, suffice it to say, my intuition is pointing me toward a crossroads once more, perhaps in apology for inadvertently dropping me in the desert for the past few months. I have not reached said crossroads, but I know what it is going to look like. It’s going to be a match between what might not theoretically look right at first glance but will definitely feel right, versus what works on paper but perhaps not so much in implementation. And the thing is, I’ve made so many wrong choices in my life that I look forward to moving toward the right ones without external forces trying to blow dust in my eyes — and, perhaps I might have been the worst offender in that department.
In any event, not to sound as self-entitled as some of my peers, but I do believe the universe owes me a favor or two right now, particularly in compensation for all the jagoffs and fucked-up situations I’ve endured while just trying to be the better person or to make up for something I thought I’d done wrong. I had this vision as I was driving this morning — I felt like I was going to be OK, and I felt like my salvation was coming soon enough. Armed with that belief, I know that whatever I do is going to be divined in some way to happen as it should. I also know that I will appreciate having the choice between a life preserver and a life boat. I just hope that there are some good-looking crew members on that boat, because I want to be saved in style. 😉
On iTunes: Evanescence, “Solitude”