Two-coffee commute

I am going to develop a new rating system for my daily commutes. Today, we start with the two-coffee commute.

But first, allow me to say that I would kick my own ass if only I could reach it (will settle for banging shin instead) for not bringing a trough thermos of java along for today’s ride, because it was a tough one.

I measure the difficulty of travel by the coffee mug. If it’s empty by the time I get to the Potomac River, it’s a horrid commute. Similarly, if it’s full by the time I pull in the parking lot at Dream Job, that indicates a crap commute because it meant I had to have both hands on the steering wheel to maneuver the chaos the entire time.

Today, I was in la-la land. I-395 was a bee-yotch because my dumb ass spent waaayyy too much time in the shower. (Read: Dolphin. And no, I am not referring to myself as Shamu or some other water creature, although I can see the resemblance some days! I mean my waterproof dolphin. *wink*) In any event, I learned the harsh lesson to Never. Ever. Leave. The. House. Past. 8 a.m. Because. Traffic. Is. HIDEOUS!

I was kind of riding my own melt, listening to some music that I plan to post later or tomorrow (you will see why my driving is bad. That’s all I have to say about THAT right now!). I was sitting in the Exit 8 lanes for freaking ever and nearly missed 8B when it crept up after 40 fucking minutes of riding the brake. And it’s crucial to get into the appropriate lane within the exit as well at 8B. So I goofed and went right when I needed to go left. And I am not one of those chucklefucks who shoots to the front of the backed-up lane and squeaks in. Oh, no. I try to be a good citizen and sneak in front of somebody at the waaay back.

But he, in his urban assault vehicle, clearly was inching forward to prevent me from, well, LIVING THROUGH THIS. I hung out for a few tries and even turned my head and hands into prayer and implored him. He wasn’t having it. So, I snuck up another two car lengths and was let in by a lovely woman who was reading the newspaper. Heh.

OK, so another 15 minutes later, I finally got on the GW. So, apparently, did Urban Assault, because he TAILGATED ME TO MARYLAND. A couple of times, I tried to change lanes (I tend to hang out in the passing lane — I need to fly at 75 mph to make up for time lost in Virginia — that’s the only way to keep the commute reasonable), but he would see my turn signal and drift over. So I’d give it up. Although, I admit I saw him trying to go past me, and I took a curve really wide (I straddled both lanes) and totally infuriated him.

Oh, and he had a big “W” sticker in his window, for my beloved liberal readers out there. 😉

Anyway, I know I screwed up on the exit. I KNOW I should have been paying attention and not dreaming out the window. I KNOW I shouldn’t get distracted by pretty, shiny planes in their ascents and descents to/from DCA. But, for shit’s sake, if I could have hit Apple-Z, I would have. If I could have reversed it and gone to the back of the line, I would have.

That’s a huge problem around here — people KNOW an exit is coming up and tend to bypass the people who moved at the proverbial snail’s pace, which is INFURIATING. Believe me, I sat in that f’ing exit lane for a LONG time before I goofed. I don’t deserve to be KILLED if I fuck up. Of course, I say this knowing I did the same damned thing to an Expedition at the 8A exit earlier. 🙂

In any event, on an unrelated note, recent reader mail indicates that I talk in circles and/or that I talk about nothing here. Sadly, y’all are right. It’s easy to bitch about a commute that, while it shortens my lifespan, really doesn’t bother me because I love where I’m going. Believe me, I want to write more. But lately, I’ve been having conversations with my Muse, and she’s either got some really good hash or she might just be on to something; in either event, she’s keeping me in line. She brought back the Dawn I used to be — the Dawn I lost so many months ago. But it’s more like Dawn 2.0. And maybe, the writings I can’t share now will be in my autobiography. 😉 So, hang in there and bear with — because I think I am getting closer to fine, to steal a lyric from the Indigo Girls. 🙂

On iTunes: Melissa Ferrick, “Drive”

One Lonely Response to Two-coffee commute

  1. Tiff :

    Girl, it took me an hour to get home tonight.

    60 minutes.

    To go 8 miles.

    Just goes to show ya that it’s not the distance that lengthens the commute, it’s the asshats who don’t know how to follow traffic laws.