‘The silicon chip inside her head gets switched to overload’

Reader Poll Monday — done ON a Monday!!!

1. What color (besides black) is most prevalent in your wardrobe?
Bla … ah, shit — ya got me there. 😉 Lots of blue (mostly denim) — I was doing laundry yesterday and was slightly appalled at the amount of jeanskirts I own. (Or, more accurately, that I FORGOT I OWNED!)

2. Where do fruit flies come from?
I vaguely remember a guy in college who always seemed to have a swarm around him. He was from eastern Pennsylvania, so I’ll say they must have a colony (a fruitfly metropolis?) there.

3. Which type of natural disaster would you rather endure: hurricane, tornado, earthquake or volcano eruption?
I’ve seen hurricanes and tornadoes — well, at least the heavy rains and brain-freezing winds that hit the areas just outside the nexus of insanity. Felt the aftershocks of an earthquake. I guess I’d want to see the volcanic eruption — assuming I am on high ground FAR away from the festivities.

4. When is the last time you visited an amusement park?
Had to be Kennywood, circa college days (late ’90s).

5. If you have insurance, what is your office visit co-pay?
Don’t know. (*hides face*) Haven’t been to a doc in a year and a half.

6. If you could, is there anything about your personality that you would change?
I love hate hate HATE my catty streak. I mean, I reel it in pretty well nowadays, but I’m so used to trying to protect my own feelings that I will immediately think of something completely evil when I feel like I’ve been insulted or assaulted.

And while I’m not the type to seek revenge (directly, anyway), apparently my unresolved anger surfaces in spurts.

Example: My mom asked me if I know whatever happened to (some woman who drove me crazy). My immediate response? “That cumb dunt — I’d shove her in the cargo section of a plane going to London if ever I had the opportunity to get my hands on her. Maybe the bombs would burn the mustache off her face.”

And after my tirade had ended, I was like, whoa — bitter much?

Lesson: Don’t cross me. And wax if necessary. We all have little maintenance projects that go unspoken — it’s OK and your secrets are safe here. 😉

7. What’s your next big adventure?
Well, I just got great news that my friend on the West Coast will be going into labor on Thursday, so I will have a bouncing baby nephew in a matter of days. Which means — what the HELL am I still doing HERE on the East Coast when she needs me THERE?!!?!

8. If forced to choose, would you rather live the rest of your life not being able to have an orgasm or not being able to hear?
Sherri, that’s just plain EVIL!!!

Bon Jovi, I’d always miss you. … 😉

9. Describe yourself in 3 words.
Not. Quite. Right!

10. Ask me a question.
Would YOU rather give up orgasming or hearing? Or any other senses, for that matter?!?!

On iTunes: Bon Jovi, “I Don’t Like Mondays (cover)”

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