Holy assholitry, Batman

I’d thought I’d spewed vitriol about every driving transgression committed by the captial area’s drivers. I’d truly believed I’d run out of pet peeves.

Then I got stuck on the GW Parkway again this morning and witnessed assholitry so high and holy that I heard hell’s bells ringing.

A car had overturned on the GW northbound (huge, gnarly accident), so we were inching along. Fine, no big deal — was already late for work as it were. As you might remember from some of my earlier rants, it’s a two-lane road, so when emergency personnel need to squeak through, we all pull up on curbs to free up space in center of the highway. Fine, good, whatever.

But THEN, my otherwise-calm blood fired up into a BOIL.

Four cars — civilians, mind you — coattailed the ambulance, fire truck and cop cars! They saw an opportunity to speed ahead of the decent citizens on the road. That nitwit Bob Geldof had ranted about how evil eBay was when people were selling their free Live 8 tickets as “profiteering on the backs of the impoverished” — well, this was the highway version.

(And as an aside, I’m sure the Live 8 was a lovely concept and a wonderful concert, but let’s figure out how to end poverty, joblessness and the lack of health insurance for our OWN citizens before we go saving the world, mmmkay? When I didn’t have a job, every single government agency to which I applied told me to prepare to be homeless ’cause they weren’t gonna help, and believe me, I was applying/interviewing for jobs like a madwoman but being told repeatedly that I was overqualified. And I really lucked out to get a GREAT job for which my qualifications actually came in handy. Anyway, your government doesn’t give a shit about you so we need to fix our system ourselves. Saddam fucking Hussein gets more from Uncle Sam than YOU ever will, trust me. But I digress.)

Anyway, I apparently have a death wish, ’cause I saw the non-emergency respondents trying to fly through the parted traffic … and I FLOORED it back into my lane proper. I am not shitting you when I say I almost got wiped straight into the guardrail to my left by a (what else?) Lexus SUV when I took my rightful place in traffic.

The good news? The four offending cars had to stop BEHIND ME. HAH!!!

Nothing fills me with more glee than ruining an asshole’s day and living to tell about it. 😉

On iTunes: Paul Oakenfold, “Ascension “Someone” (Slacker Mix)”

5 Responses to Holy assholitry, Batman

  1. Michael :

    Glad you made it out alive. I hate when people do that shit – drive behind emergency vehicles.

  2. A.McSholty :

    You know, it always amazed me when I lived in Nashville that morons would pull over for a funeral procession but not get out of the way of an ambulance…did it never occur to them that at least the poor schmuck in the ambulance was still ALIVE?!

  3. Anonymous :

    About your aside… You almost get it now. The government shouldn’t be there to take care of you, the government is there to do things like interstates and military and national security. If you think Uncle Sam should provide universal health care, social services and retirement, then you also must agree that the feds can tell you who you can sleep with and what to do about unwanted pregnancies. The only “safe” government is a small, severely restricted one, because when you give up any personal freedom to a government, three things happen. The government gets bigger, you will never get that freedom back, and they will go for more. That’s not paranoid, that’s history.

    Guess who? 😉

  4. Tiff :

    Oh girl, you are my heroine (not to be confused with “heroin”). I love hearing about assholes getting foiled.

    And I swear, I’m not Anonymous, though it sounds like he/she is as much of a crazy libertarian as I am, so… cheers!

  5. Dawn :

    I love all my smart readers. 🙂

    And you guys know me — I am happy to take care of myself and expect to. But when you hit a rough spot in life, you’re sincerely SOL. Which is why it’s nice when you can make people like idiot drivers feel your pain!