Maddie took a fat furry flying leap today and bellyflopped straight onto my ass this morning as I was dead asleep. My head and my ass shot up involuntarily, making me arch my back like a duck. Now my back hurts, and she’s looking at me like, “Oh, good. You’re awake. Feed me!”

Had a bizarre dream about JP (of Dec. 2001-Feb. 2002 fame). He was wearing a gorgeous suit (and I know for a fact he doesn’t even own one, much less the designer one I saw) and heard I was in town (in Pgh) and he wanted to take me out. So I said OK. He took me to some theatrical production but was too cheap to buy tickets (and I couldn’t afford tickets for both of us), so he made us stand outside the door and look in to the theater. Grrr. Typical.

So I wanted to leave, as I had wasted enough time with him, and as we walked back to my hotel, we were talking. He told me he was gay. Heh. In real life, I know he’s as straight as can be, although arguably, I would imagine that any hole would do for him. 🙂 But in the dream, he was very upset because his new boyfriend had cheated on him. Again in real life, I questioned his faithfulness to me — I couldn’t prove anything, but that damn intuition was there, telling me to get rid of him. And I think I might’ve been the first woman to run, not walk, away from him, because he sure called me for a few months afterward. But I’d told him flat-out that my health was more important than wondering where he was all the time.

Some days I wonder if I have the right to be picky and demanding, and other days, I want to slap myself for thinking that way. Sure, I’m no supermodel (I like digesting my food, thank you), but that doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve not only the Cinderella fairytale, as well as the hard work and the ultimate (I hope) satisfaction of all that hard work that we invest.

Good grief. What a weird thought process this dream invoked. I need coffee. …

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