New day

Today’s hor(ror)oscope:

“Bring matters out into the open and make your wishes larger than life. You should note an extra certainty in your hopes and dreams that you should embrace. You are at a climactic point in your yearly cycle, so take advantage of this dynamic time.”

I don’t know how much more I can advertise said “matters,” although it occurs to me that nobody actually knows what I am talking about when I do. heh. I always prided myself on my convoluted blog entries, but apparently the latest batch take the cake.

I do have to take issue with that “extra certainty in your hopes and dreams” bit. I think that’s why I’m so fucking nuts right now. I was convinced that I interpreted the universe’s signs correctly. I’m still convinced of it, truth be told. But when confronted with obstacles, well, I sort of don’t know whether to shit or go sailing. But “things,” I can handle. People, however, not so much. I will sooner step out of the way than make my presence known.

Every day, every thing is such a struggle this week, and I’m so tired of expending energy fighting for the little things that, when the big things are saying “seeya,” all I can really do is wave when maybe it’s that I need to do something drastic.

I said recently that one of my biggest fears is seeing my soulmate with someone else. In tandem with that, I fear giving up absolutely everything and being left standing with nothing. Now, “they” say that the bigger things are worth the bigger risks, but I learned in Las Vegas that the more you bet, the more you can lose if you pick the wrong side.

But at this point, all I can say is that you go on to earn more money and the sting of losing so much starts to fade away eventually. But maybe in my heart of hearts, you hope that Roulette table and that dealer are there when you come back and you’re ready to win it all next time. Even if you thought you were really ready to win big now. …

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