I’ve been having these Bizarro World days in which they were both the best and worst of my life, all rolled up into one.

I’m going to take a piece of my own advice and not concentrate on the yucky bits because wasting time thinking about them only seems to generate/attract more of them. But what I did come out of all this with was this: Apparently I’m not the only one who makes mistakes in life. Sometimes it seems like I’m the only one who regrets them, but enh, at least I’m not the only a-hole on the planet who consciously, willingly and even enthusiastically jumps headfirst into an empty pool.

I had a dream the other night, in which I kept telling people to go away because I was meditating. I had told people that I meditated two to three times a day, and that’s why I was so healthy. Hmm. I can dig it — maybe a sign from above to do just that?

I was in mid-meditation yesterday (hey, it actually helped!) when I could actually feel the world turning. I was suspended in a moment, literally hanging in midair, when I realized that’s all this life is — a string of moments, both good and bad, but ALL of our own choosing.

Even if we don’t choose to, say, have somebody let the air out of our little balloons, we do choose how to handle it. We can smile and act fine — fuck, we can smile and BE fine.

Or we can just stop pretending to be fine because we’re not — at least, not at that moment. Even if we will be eventually — even if it just takes us needing to walk three steps away and gulp down some non-toxic air.

In my moment of meditation, I realized I screwed up U, V, W, X and Y in hopes that Z would eventually happen. And I realized that Z wasn’t screwing anything up for anybody — that Z was just enjoying apparently A through T just fine. And I’m sorry but you just can’t have your cake and eat me, too, as Mom would say. 😉

The lesson? If I can’t make U, V, W, X and Y work, what makes me think Z is going to be the thing that actually happens flawlessly?

I know I am in self-help land right now with the “Laws of Attraction,” but it’s all good. I’m reprogramming here. It’s probably the only reason why I don’t short-circuit; some outlets are unplugged anyway so the switchboard isn’t overloaded!

“There are avenues and supplements
And books stacked on the shelf
Labyrinths of recovery
In search of our best self
But most of what will happen now
Is way out of our hands
So just let it go
See where it lands.”

Indigo Girls, “I Believe in Love”

Comments closed.