BBQ at Maddie's!

Mommy had a cookout, and despite her threats, she did not stick an apple in my mouth and roast my fat ass on a spit. Bitch!

She didn't roast my sister Kadi either. Damn!

She locked off the bedroom so guests couldn't see how she cleans -- the rest of the house got a 'ho bath, as she called it -- it looked clean but was not appropriate for a white-glove test. How the living/dining area even got clean is 'cause she threw all her miscellaneous shit into the bedroom.

I was hiding under the bed when she pulled me out by my tail. Ow, that hurt! Stupid bitch. She wanted me to come out and be social and also to have access to my food and the litter in Pooh Corner should I have felt like taking a shit.

I showed her -- as soon as she dropped me into the dining area for all of her hungry guests to admire as they ate pretty appetizers that she'd made, I hightailed it for Pooh Corner and took a nice, whopping shit. But for once, I covered up my steamy poop -- you know, it was for the guests' benefit, for them to think I am a well-mannered and dainty pussy. I spent the remainder of the fiesta hiding behind the toilet and in the tub. Everyone came in and talked to me while they peed out the metric ton of alcohol they were slurping all day. What is WITH people who talk while they go potty? Isn't it rude to speak whilst voiding one's bladder?

When everyone left, I came out to hunt for my bowl, which Mommy quickly filled with our fabulous Purina goodness. And I took another shit (the fourth that day!), and to punish Mommy for making me put up with her stupid friends, I did not cover my wet load this time. But I did wipe my ass ... on her brand-new living room rug. Hah! Oh, the joys I behold in my little furry life. ...