I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Happy Fourth, my ass

Because, of course, it's all about my ass. Deal with it.

Mommy started off the day by clipping Kadi's claws. It amused me terribly to see Kadi pissed off and hollering because she was being held down -- usually it's me, getting the shit clumps cut outta my ass fur.

Oh, but wait. My turn was next! I was at the bathroom faucet this morning, taking my post-breakfast drink, and Mommy cornered me with the kitty shears. I allowed her to cut out a few clumps from behind my neck and on my back -- it's hot and I didn't really mind having my mass-o-fur thinned out for the summer. But then she went for the ass clumps. Bitch! I started squirming, and Mommy decided to turn the cold water faucet on high and douse my ass. Despite myself, it felt kind of good. But I did not let her get all the shit out of my ass -- now it's even more prominent because my fur is still all wet and she says I still stink. You know, I am SICK of hearing how much I stink all the time!!!

Bitch is looking for a new job, so I sat on the classifieds that she was planning to work from today. Hah! Mmm, the smell of wet newsprint has overtaken my standard shitty kitty aroma. Rock on!

What are you doing today? Personally, I plan to have an explosive shit at sundown -- we don't have much of a view of anything here at the apartment, and Mommy's going to Aunt Shan's to watch the D.C. fireworks show, so I s'pose I just have to create my own! I am going to eat blue shimmery foil package stuffing that Grandma sent, and I need something red. Mommy's bloody mary mix doesn't appeal to me, but I think the bitch has some red tissue paper around here somewhere. What can I find that's white? I want to have the most patriotic shit in town!

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