I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Friday, September 13, 2002

Well, I'm Pissed

I was all lookin' forward to Friday Five, but all the questions have something to do with attending school. Shit! So now what do I Blog about? Who creates these questions? I'm gonna do my own. ...

1. What is your favorite thing to do?
Download Kitty Porn. And eat. And sleep. And poop.

2. Who is your favorite person on earth?
Grandma. Although I know she'd rather have a human grandchild, she's accepted the fact that Mommy hangs out with boys who have boyfriends -- and that all the straight boys Mommy has dated are morons -- so she spoils me. That, and we both have tan, black and white hair, so we look like sisters. :) Sorry Grandma! I know you like for people to think that those errant white hairs are actually blonde!!! ;)

3. What is your least favorite memory?
June 24, 2002 -- moving to Virginia!!! Mommy hadn't slept in two days, and she put me in my cage in the backseat, but as soon as she went to make the turn down Arlington Road on Mount Washington in Pittsburgh, my cage toppled over and I went sailing and bonked my little head. She had to pull over and put me in the front seat, in my cage so I couldn't jump out the window like I planned to do. Humph. I howled for 59 miles, at which time Mommy was on the Pennsylvania Turnpike and we still had a few hours in the car to go. That's when I lost my voice ... and my will.

She kept singing to me and talking to me, but girlfriend was delirious and driving like a maniac, so I hoped if I stayed quiet, she'd shut up. We listened to lots of music, which was really loud and annoying to my little ears. Mommy stopped and tried to give me some cat food halfway through the trip, but I was too tired to tell her to just drive the car straight to hell -- anything to get me outta that cage! Then we arrived at our new home and there was this weird chick there (my new Aunt Tiff), and I didn't understand where my furniture was (it was lost in transit for several days 'cuz our moving company SUCKED!!!). Argh ... bad day. :)

4. What is your favorite memory?
I used to live with my Unca Janna, when she and Mommy were roommates, many years ago. I loved getting into her room 'cuz she always closed the door, and sometimes I would fall asleep for too long and I'd have to go to the bathroom. I pooped on her bed many, many times, and I'm still alive to tell the story today!

When Unca Janna first moved into our house in 1996, she and Aunt Christopher were making spaghetti to celebrate the move. Mommy was at work, so they wanted to be cute and feed me human food, so I ate the spaghetti, and my tummy hurt so after Unca Janna got done putting her new sheets and blankets on her brand-new bed, I jumped up to say hello to her. Unfortunately, the spaghetti was not agreeing with my belly, and as I jumped up, lots and lots of poop came flying out of my little bum, so her new comforter smelled like me. Hah.

5. Why do you poop and throw up everywhere but your litterbox?
Mommy asked me this question, so I wanted to respond (Mommy's in the kitchen, guzzling Blackberry Merlot like it's fucking water right now, by the way. She was out with Aunt Daddy all day and decided to skip going to the gym tonight). I empty my belly and my bum wherever and WHENEVER the mood strikes. Thus, if I happen to be nestling happily in Mommy's dress clothes while she's taking a shower before work, and my Mow Mix backs up on me, I leave it right there, where I was sleeping. 'Cuz I can always move somewhere else so I don't have to look at what came out of my mouth or ass. And she has to clean it up anyway, so why not give her something to do? Besides, while she's cleaning up my kitty droppings, I get to use her computer and share my stories with YOU!!!


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