You can’t make this up

Overheard at the salon today: “Do you have time to do a full set (of nails)? ‘Cause mine got broke when I was in jail.”

Overheard at the place where I hemmorhage money into my car: “*wolf whistle* Damn, you sure got a clean and well-maintained engine under that hood.” (*blink* “Why, yes, thank you! Can you see it through this skirt?”)

Said with love, Tiff admitted, “That was humiliating. And I am totally laughing at your expense,” when I casually mentioned that I had totally gotten caught checking somebody out.

A pregnant friend: “Yeah, my husband WILL be getting a vasectomy after this kid comes. I told him he has no choice.” Me: “Of course he has a choice. Either he gets the surgery, or you chop off his nuts with a machete. Put one of those on your baby registry.” And later, as we were hanging up the phone, she said, “Go enjoy your bloody mary. I’ll have a bloody testicle myself!”

On iTunes: The Calling, “Our Lives”

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