I swear people exist solely for my mocking purposes

OK, so I had full intentions on not eating at all today, given my recent diet of, well, anything BUT diet foods. But alas, lightheadedness got the better of me and I ran out to Jerry’s Subs for a sammich.

Big whoop, right — I’ve lost most of you by now. *snooze*

But wait; there’s more.

So my number was 461. My number was called. Everyone knew the order was mine — there were all of three people waiting to pick up their food, and the counter workers didn’t exactly suffer from short-term memory loss — they knew I had ordered said culinary delight and tried to reach out the bag for me to grab it.

But, alas, someone else wanted my sammich even more than I did.

Some woman, who was about a head shorter than me, dashed in front of me and tried to grab for the bag that the (very tall) man behind the counter was trying to extend to me. We looked quizically at each other and at her. He repeated, “This is order 461.” But did she care? Not a whit. She still kept grabbing for it, and he kept raising the bag higher and higher.

She was mad, too. She was like jumping up and shit. Never mind that I had the fucking CLAIM TICKET for it! I woulda been HAPPY to part with it if she would have given me the retail price of it!

I reached over her head and got my sub from the guy, resisting the urge to bop her over the head with it.

And damn, that sammich was good. Mmm, sammich. …



Seen over at Irk’s, remember Kanye West’s shot heard ’round the world? Well, here it is, remixed.

(Note: You’ve got to be familiar with the beat of “Gold Digger” before you can truly appreciate it.)

Stream it, steal it, cross-post it, loot it — whatever ya call it, just listen to it.

And preferably not at work. 😉

Funny how I didn’t even KNOW of Kanye before that — now I have two albums’ worth of his songs.

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