I was having my evening conversation in my head during the drive home when I had a revelation that perhaps there is only so much luck and strength to go around in the world. It always seems like we’re sending good wishes, hopes and maybe even prayers (depending on your faith) to someone else who’s in need. And, when things are rocky in your life, others vow to try to send a little bit of their luck your way — if you haven’t already asked them to. 🙂

On the other hand, it seems like some people are strong, no matter what. I’ve had that said of me, at times, but that’s because they didn’t see me crumbling from within. And I’m a pretty tough broad, but when you’ve had to be a pillar of strength for your whole life, the inner destruction starts to slowly, but ever so surely, corrode your facade.

I joked when I had my appendix taken out that I’d been internalizing so much rottenness around me that my insides turned poisonous — when the appendix burst, it was like something had to give, literally. Or, to put it crassly, my mom always used to tell me that, if you don’t poop for awhile, it will eventually come out your ears. LOL.

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to find the meaning, the beauty, the reason behind the strife — not just mine, but everyone’s. Worldwide, even. I guess I am uncomfortable without having a reason or, at the very least, an excuse for why things do or don’t happen to us or the people who matter to us. I work very hard at becoming a better person and trying to siphon the wisdom and insight from even the most senseless of tragedies, and it has made me cherish what I do have and maybe even be glad for what I don’t.

How do I say it — you think of the children’s song that goes “Rain, rain go away — come again some other day.” But at some point as I got older, I realized that, if it’s going to rain, then it might as well happen now. And hell, maybe it should just fucking pour already, if that means that even brighter days will lie ahead.

But my attitude has shifted recently — I dig a light rain. It’s a reminder to appreciate the sunny days that preceded it as well as to take special notice of the ones that follow. I guess what I want to say is that it seems like we’ve all taken our turns through hurricane season for the time being — it’s time for some sunshine. Even though, we all know that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

Unfortunately, there will never be a time when everyone is sailing along smoothly at the same time, and that’s why I wonder if there’s only so much love, luck and strength to go around — we each get our turn with it (some more often than others) and/or maybe we get more of one than another throughout the course of our lives.

Fortunately, though that’s why we all have each other — to balance out the elements, because when one of us runs out of what we really need, we find that if we simply just reach out and ask, we can borrow as much as we need to regenerate our own. Which we are happy to share when the day comes that we can help someone back or even someone else who wouldn’t be quite the same without us. Sometimes, the world forgets to turn. But, we can help it along until it finds its axis again.

On iTunes: Breaking Benjamin, “Rain”

One Lonely Response to Balance

  1. Pratt :

    well said!