‘You only know you love her when you let her go’

It’s amazing how you can spend time with someone … and it’s just so easy. Everything just seems to fall into place.

And yet, it’s just so damn hard otherwise and you just don’t understand it.

You say mostly the right things. (Because, really, you never know what’s going to either scare or not sit right with someone. But if you walk away feeling OK, then you did OK and the rest is HIS problem.)

You hug him goodbye and wonder if the fire you unexpectedly feel (again) inside is just the synapses in your body waking up after being shot dead so long ago. Or whether the heat was from his skin (most likely) or maybe you’re picking up on something inside of him he pretends isn’t still there.

And then you’re messed up all over again.

That is, until you remind yourself that life will unfold the way it will. That you really have no control over anything but your own thoughts and actions. That if he wants you, he knows where to find you.

You can’t allow yourself to die all over again in the meantime. After all, it’s his loss. He let go first.

“Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
Cos love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
Cos you loved her too much and you dived too deep

Well you only need the light when its burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go.”

“Let Her Go” — Passenger

And maybe someday you’ll understand why he let you go.

But for now, you just can’t ask because there’s no answer he can give you that’s good enough

Especially if you don’t think HE THINKS he made the right decision. …

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