Wal-Mart, save me from your shoppers

I swear, that’s the next bumper sticker I am going to buy. Even if I have to make it!

I’m broke, I’m migraine-y and I’m in a fucking hurry. I take my four items to the “12 items or less” aisle and am second in line. I think, great, this will be the first and only time I escape that hellhole in less than an hour.


Bitch in front of me — who, incidentally, looked like she used one of those industrial-sized Sharpie markers for eyeliner — was busy slapping all 47 of her items onto the conveyor belt when I came up with an equal number of ways to beat her silly. Now, you know me. I can be a graceful Goddess when need be. But I’m so tired of dealing with everybody else’s idiocy that I bitched at her the whole goddamned time I stood in line.

She ignored me. Ha! Oh, what fun.

I went on a tangent about how I got into the express lane because that’s what it’s supposed to be, and who the hell does she think she is that she can clog up the line with her massive pile o’ crap? I asked her if she could read, because I clearly saw digits representing “12 items” and was it a language barrier or just a stupidity barrier? Because I could forgive stupidity, really I could. But outright assholitry is absolutely inexcusable. Was she trying to be an asshole on purpose?

The cashier was killing herself to keep from laughing. And when it was my turn (finally!) to be rung up, I asked her quite loudly whether she get a lot of morons like THAT one (and I pointed) or whether most normal people can follow a simple instruction.

Now, you may ask, do I always get my bitchitude on? Not necessarily. I always like to pretend that oxygen thieves will go away and die in a corner somewhere, but then they don’t and THAT’s when I get bitter.

Besides, I was carrying a giant thing of dry cat food in one arm and another big thing of catty litter in the other. My arms were ACHING and thanks to that cumb dunt, I had to hold onto them because all her shit was clogging the conveyor belt.

Perhaps that magic-markered eyeliner of hers had clouded her vision of the two-foot-tall sign denoting the fact that the aisle was an express lane!

3 Responses to Wal-Mart, save me from your shoppers

  1. Erica :

    Nice! *snap*snap*

  2. Emilt :

    Wow! That like ups your awesome points by maybe 9 billion?!? It seems like the idiots at wal-mart are SOO incompetent. There’s this blog (bbcamerican.blogspot.com) about this guy who works as a cashier at wal-mart. It’s sad, but funny. Whenever I go there’s always like four or five people who cannot seem to figure out how to use the Self-Checkout, and I’m like “IT’S NOT THAT HARD!” Ugh. I prefer Target so much more. It’s like the intelligent peoples Wal-Mart. I didn’t even know there was a Wal-Mart in DC. How do they fit it in? They can barely fit that little safeway in DuPont circle. The carts don’t even fit! Make the Aisles BIGGER!!!

  3. Emily :

    *Emily not Emilt. My Bad.