This grown-up world
So I was drifting off to sleep last night around midnight (after barely sleeping the night before) when the phone rang.
And for the first time in a long time, I was at such a loss. Someone needed me, and I had nothing to offer.
Well, I guess THAT’S not an unusual feeling these days, but it was a, “Hey, I wouldn’t ask because I know you’re so busy. …” *cringe* Yep, that’s me, never time enough for anyone so they don’t even approach me anymore.
“… but I have no one else to turn to.” Now it’s clear I only get calls made in desperation because I’m so useless to everyone.
Truth be told, I only picked up because I was half-asleep. Everyone knows the iPhone never leaves my sight and yet I never pick up for my friends.
And all I wanted was my sleep, but I struggled to fight the Tylenol PM.
It involves a physical appearance. Ha. Today or tomorrow. Ha HA.
“Saturday?”
More chortling from me.
It’s impossible. It’s abso-fucking-lutely impossible to go help someone in need because I’ve got my own messes to clean up.
I remember the days of calling off work and cutting classes to either go do something fun or to help a friend who needed something. Fuck, I remember being up half the night with people (or the whole night) and still being at work with energy to spare the next day. I wouldn’t do it for fun anymore (I don’t do much of anything for fun anymore) but here I sit with a Santa’s sack of “fuck me” because I don’t have the time or wherewithal to go help someone who would do it for me in a heartbeat.
With some of those people that I got roped into serving (ahem), I know I wished for excuses to say no, because I didn’t have the balls enough to say they’d used up their favors and 10 other people’s, so try again next year, thanks. Guess I got my wish.
I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I’m sure I could find a way if I tried. (I accidentally typed “tired” instead of “tried.” I think that says it all!) The bigger issue is that I’ve stopped picking up my phone for this exact reason. Not that I don’t want to help people (or chat with them or go hang out), but because I really just can’t right now.
Damn it. Why can’t opportunities/emergencies revolve around MY schedule? 😉