Sisterhood of the Traveling Crankypants

You know, I was so in love with “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” that I presumed the sequel would be that and so much more.

Save your money unless you’re a teenager. Really. Or unless you’re in your happy place and not in a REALLY BAD FUCKING MOOD, like I found myself in.

(And for the record, I wasn’t AWARE that the Midol I’ve been popping like Pez this week expired in November, OK? SORRY!)


As the only one in the theater old enough to drive herself home afterward, the generation gap between X and Whine (er, Y) was never quite so pronounced.

I’d say spoiler alert but, really, can there be anything to spoil other than your appetite when you see this thing? I didn’t even eat dinner that night, I was so disgusted. (Hey, I’ve lost 20 pounds and counting this summer — at least it isn’t summer of the traveling fat pants! Going without dinner only helped my cause.)

Maybe I’m just jaded at this juncture in my life, and I do know this is a work of fiction, but where the hell do these kids get the money to travel all over the country/world? I know they’re four teens from Bethesda, Md., but hey, I live just outside of Bethesda. It is expensive to live here.

If I had a kid who wanted to go on an archaeological dig in Turkey or two kids who jaunt back and forth between Greece — or, hell, a kid who wanted to live in NYC or Vermont for the summer — well, tough shit. Get a local job like the rest of us had to! Well, not that the parents’ characters seem like anything to brag about; maybe all they have to give is money.

Ahem again.

Anyway, the REAL thing that got me were all these men — young men — who were also flying across the ocean or traveling from Maryland to New York every weekend to see these girls. Seriously? This movie crossed the line from “romantic fiction” to “outright farce” in a matter of minutes. Lord.

And yes, the one did allegedly knock up someone else and was going to marry her (one of my worst fears, personally), and sure, the other one did start dating another’s younger sister in the interim (he’s too young to have a midlife crisis!), but it was just to occupy them till the stars of the movie came to their so-called senses.

Seriously, Lena, I’d have just done the damn model and forgotten about fish boy.

Why YES, our heroine IS jaded toward the other gender right now. Some coffee and chocolate to complement the bitter?

All the girls in the theater were swooning over all these romantic, attentive, persistent boys. The group I sat with (ugh — wall-to-wall people. I need my recreational space, people. Get your Gen Y germs off of me) were all squealing, too, that they are all going to visit Greece because it’s beautiful. They were chattering about asking their parents for money. Hahahahaa. I know I don’t live in a poor neighborhood, but for realz, yo? Reality check, much?

OK, that’s the nicest thing I can say about the movie. The cinematography was brilliant. The soundtrack was less memorable than the first (which had two or three really good songs), but the first soundtrack got on my nerves as opposed to the newest one actually blending into the film.

If I owned property, I have a funny feeling that I’d be yelling at kids to get off of it right now.

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