‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me!’

My friends keep asking me when I’m going to post a new blog. I try to tell them that I don’t have anything to say, which they don’t believe for one minute. 😉 But then I say, “What I have to say would get my ass double-Dooced,” and they totally get it. Well, those who understand what the term means and all. 😉

I actually heard that term at BlogHer D.C. on Monday. Which, OMG ugh. Can you imagine?

Speaking of OMG, let me give you my highlights from the conference:

1. Spending the day with Tiff. Which, yay! Although I was bummed that The Funky Feline couldn’t come out and play. I did Tweet to her that she wasn’t missing much. 😉

2. Lunch. Nom nom nom. Healthy and tasty veggie-type stuff and fish with a curry sauce.

3. Afternoon break, with chocolate-covered apple slices and a soft chocolate chip cookie. Blew my diet for the first time on that cookie and holy shit, it was worth it! I still lost 2.5 pounds this week, so chocolate apparently does a body good. (And, sidenote to Tiff, diets may do a body good but his girlfriend will always be a ‘ho, no matter how much milk or whatever else she drinks!)

4. Cool-ass swag. Seriously. The sponsors were awesome.

5. The cocktail reception. I skipped the wine (I just heard about 35 of you hit the floor as you passed out!) but enjoyed the butternut squash soup, the crabmeat mac and cheese, and the mini quiches. *drool*

Mad, mad props to the Bethesda Hyatt for preparing food that was fit for a queen but that doesn’t push you into queen size.

As far as the conference itself, meh. There were some fascinating attendees. The speakers were OK mostly; I was sort of hoping to learn the finer points of creating an online experience for readers as opposed to “This is a blog. This is a blog platform. This is a feed-reader.”

One session in which I spent a whopping five minutes did me in for the day. The Internet wasn’t working and the panelists said they’d take questions in the interim. First question? “How do I find blogs to read that I might like?”


Um, other than the fact that you should start at, oh, BlogHer.com since it hosts 30,000 of us, is this what I paid $100 to learn? Jesus Christ.

Out of my mouth, very audibly and yes, very inappropriately, came “Are you fucking KIDDING me?” At which point I left and joined the Geek Lab and talked to others who already knew how to locate their asses with both hands.

I was rather entertained by the fact that the lunch speaker — a Yahoo! employee — mentioned several of Google’s tools for analytics and such. Blasphemy! Isn’t that illegal, to nod to the competition (even if it’s not even a close competition)?

What really surprised me was how many people peered at my name tag (with my real name) and said, “Oh my God — you’re Goddess!” Or the sponsors who saw my name tag and said, “I’ve checked out your blog — you’re the one who fell off the toilet!”


Oh well. Beat being at work. There’s a reason why my vacation bank’s cup runneth over. (Well, accrual has halted until I start using my days, so no overflow there.) Chaos reigned while I was gone, and being away for a day was the equivalent of taking off a full week.

I canceled my planned vacation day for this coming Friday because of the insanity. Hope my friends enjoy having one less person at the cabin down in Shenandoah. My sanity is too precious to risk it (further) at this juncture.

That’s OK, though. There is a silver lining in all of this. Of course it has nothing to do with work, but let’s just say I’m working for the weekend, literally … it’s just in six weeks from now.

Lawd give me strength in the interim. …

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