‘Idol,’ blow by blow. And by blow, I mean there was also some suck

Otherwise known as my favorite time of year, it’s “Idol” season.

I like Simon. Some of his facial expressions remind me of my grandmother. She wasn’t impressed by anybody either — you had to be pretty freaking special to register on her radar. I think those two could have been good friends, otherwise she would have made a hell of a judge on this odyssey!

Here’s my take on this week’s contestants:

Paris — yeesh. I hate that song. I mean, with the blisteringly hot fire of a thousand suns. (“La Conga.” *twitch*) If she weren’t so damned cute, I’d hate her. But even with the sound turned off, she’s kind of fun to watch. Just not remarkable.

Lisa — another cutie but man, what a sleeper of a song. You know, my friend Steve had a karaoke machine while we were in college, and we all sang ballads just because that’s what you do in karaoke. You get drunk and think about lost loves and besides, it’s way harder to fuck up a slow song. This seemed like a safe performance. But she looked really pretty this week, so let’s give her that.

Melissa is so going home. And that’s sad, because she looked hot and she totally rocked some Heart’s “What About Love.” Although it was less a plea than a rebel yell, as I can only imagine how LOUD she had to be in the theater. I don’t know what it is about her that I just don’t like — it’s like some sort of vacant look in her eyes. Anyway, let’s wave goodbye now.

Kinnick — Paula said she’d never looked better during the competition. If you’re going to a hoedown, I’d agree. Who would wear PLAID FLANNEL on national TV? I don’t care if she pulled it up and tied a knot in it. That’s cute for when you’re hanging out on a weekend. Anyway, she sang Alicia Keys, which is another one of those “stylized” artists the judges are all yapping about that you can’t compare to. And she didn’t come close. If we’re saying goodbye to two girls, she’s the second one.

Katharine — what’s so special about her? I mean, I’m asking here, because I don’t get it. She’s another one who’s sort of vacant up there, even though she jumped around like a caged animal at the end of her “Freedom” routine. She’s cute when she’s alive like that, but enh. I think Randy or Ryan coined a “McFever” moniker for her (her last name is McPhee) — yeah, I am assuming they’re trying to create hype so people will vote for her. God, save my ears. Tell McFever to go home and serve me up some McFries with that — I can’t get into her.

Ayla — I like her for trying, but she ain’t winning this. She did the song from “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” — “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield. I hate to say that I liked this performance more than any of her previous ones. They told her to be young and fun, and this was her answer to it and I thought she did OK, but the judges didn’t really like it on her and told her again to be “young.” It’s pop radio, people. Doesn’t get much younger than that!

My girl Mandisa — my skin gets covered in goose bumps when she sings. I mean, she hits a NERVE within me. She’s electrifying. She could sing the ingredient list on a pack of M&Ms and I’d be enraptured, no doubt. I love her energy, her fire, her control and her ever-present smile. I forget which girl came before her who finished her song and just did an ugly facial expression coupled with a sigh of relief (probably most of them), but Mandisa? Looks like she’s having the time of her life every minute she’s up there. Rock on, doll. I want you to win this thing.

Kellie — Mandisa’s a hard act to follow, so I’ll give her props for not breaking down in tears and refusing to go on because we’d already seen the night’s best performance. I swear, if she didn’t have that cute Southern drawl and that absolutely genuine appreciation of this opportunity for her career, I don’t know that she’d make it much further in the competition. My friend says that it’s the hard-luck story that keeps us hooked, but I disagree because we ALL have a hard-luck story. I think I wanted this for Kellie because of her life’s hardships, but now it’s to the point where if I’m going to turn down the TV volume during your performance, you’re not the winner.

I didn’t vote this week. I haven’t voted yet this season, actually. I pay enough to Cingular every month — I’ll wait till we get into the final 12 before I start flexing my texting thumb.

And who else is as excited as I am to see Chris perform tonight? (*drool*)

2 Responses to ‘Idol,’ blow by blow. And by blow, I mean there was also some suck

  1. Caterwauling :

    […] Well, last night I ripped apart the girls. Tonight, I give it to (heh) the boys. … […]

  2. Jen :

    In regards to “McFever’s” nickname…the true story is the entertainment guy on KROQ radio in L.A. coined “McFever”. He told Katherine that he had “The McFever” about two weeks before Ryan used it on AI.