I gots yer somethin’ extra right here

I just don’t get the expectation that, if I walk into a restaurant and place an order to go, that I should tip. If I were getting it delivered, I’d tip the driver. If it were coming to the table, I’d tip the server. But if I’m standing around dealing with rudeness and incompetence, NO TIP FOR YOU!

Stopped in at my favorite Italian restaurant the other day. And by “favorite,” I mean the food and not the atmosphere, hence why it’s a pickup job only. The girl behind the counter disappeared in the back (as I learned later, to put in her own lunch order and chat with the cook) for five minutes. Then she came out and proceeded to stare at the walls while I stood at the register where, gee — I don’t know, I was waiting to ORDER.

Then when she somehow became aware that she wasn’t the only person in the room, she acted surprised and grudgingly helped me. (Why I waited that long, I don’t know. Probably because it was raining and I wasn’t going anywhere else.) And the brightest bulb in the box, she wasn’t, as I ordered cheese fries and a sammich, and she said, “You need fries with that?”

Was this McDonald’s? Jesus. I said, “I already ordered fries.” And she said, “Yeah, but do you want plain fries, too?”


The funny part of all this is that the owner came by to charge her for her lunch order. Ironically she had ordered fries for herself and he got mad at her because fries aren’t part of the deal for employees. (I wondered whether she wanted me to order them and donate them to her.)

I guess she had to pay for her lunch, and she started whining that she was working a double shift and NOT ONE PERSON had tipped her. (She looked just past my head when she said it.) Annoying, insolent little brat — is it any wonder nobody wants to give you an extra buck for your oh-so-sunshiney demeanor?

To my delight, one of the servers happily chirped, “You might want to try being nice to the customers if you want tips!”

I don’t know. I remember working those shit jobs where they tried to make you feel lucky for busting your ass for THEM. The wages sucked, the customers sucked and the management sucked even worse. I get that. Really, I do. But even though I used to go above and beyond, when I could, I never got or even expected a tip.

I could have used tips, don’t get me wrong, but it’s sort of a rite of passage to work crap jobs so you can appreciate a good one when/if it ever comes. I used to tell an old boss that I couldn’t wait to get a “real” job. That showed up on my review every year. 😉

Anyway, I’m not above tipping. I appreciate my servers, the drivers, the cabbies, the guy who hails the cab in the rain, the clerks at curbside check-in at the airport, the people who help me with my luggage. I’m not an asshole — we’re all wage slaves. But not only am I not overly compelled to tip the person who merely talks to me 20 seconds to type my order into a register, but I’m sure as HELL not going to reward you just for showing up at your job and not giving me the time of day.

I don’t expect you to remember that you’ve taken my order 20 times in the past year (in the same surly, dismissive manner). I do expect you to get my order right (which is usually hit-or-miss, truth be told) and maybe even take it in a courteous and — gasp! — friendly way.

If you can’t even manage that, and you have the nerve to complain about it in front of me, well, I’ll come back because I like the food. But I assure you, there’s never going to be anything extra in it for you … unless it’s a kick in the ass. 🙂 And there’s ALWAYS more where THAT came from!!!

One Lonely Response to I gots yer somethin’ extra right here

  1. Sabre :

    One of my online buddies recently drafted quite the letter to a place he and some co-workers hit for happy hour one day. http://quitelucid.blogspot.com/2007/06/and-then-i-serviced-myself.html Too funny.