C’mon Powerball …

I picked up my Powerball tickets today. I had to, after I told my friends at work to “enjoy my stuff” because I am not coming back for it.

The guys at the convenience store screwed them up. It’s a long story but here’s to hoping I got the numbers I was meant to have.

So, what else can I actually type about that won’t earn me hate mail or a disciplinary notice? Hmmm. I got a laptop. I did NOT get a MacBook Pro. Every time I have started to buy a MacBook the past few years, I’ve gotten fired, believed I was in danger of it or otherwise encountered a big expense. So as not to tempt fate, I got the world’s cheapest HP.

You get what you pay for, is all I’m saying. You forget how handy a backlit keyboard is when YOU DON’T HAVE ONE. This is my first and last Windows-based product. And Windows 8? Can bite me. There’s a reason why computers that don’t have it cost an extra hundred bucks or so more.

I’m learning to live with it, though. It’s my gift to myself, a baby step in the direction of getting out of this rut I’ve been in. I have been fluctuating between feeling trapped to being scared that the lobster trap will open and I’ll fall out before I’m ready.

Curiously, something happened after I got the computer. My fear went away. I’ve awakened every day for the past month in absolute terror. Last Saturday, I shot out of bed with a work nightmare and it turned out it was a work MEMORY.

Yet I got this stupid machine a few days ago and I feel like, well, it’s you and me, kid. We’ll be OK. I don’t know that I’ll rediscover my abandoned love for writing but at least my excuses for NOT putting thoughts on paper in a non-public place are over.

And that’s the best feeling of all — not the writing; I still have some hostility toward it right now. The best thing for me right now is knowing that, even when you can’t see when or where or how you’ll possibly be OK, you just know it’s happening.

The humans in the world may not care all that much about you unless you’re helping them, but the universe is helping you whether you can see it or not.

I have a lot of thoughts swirling through my head that I’m not ready to reveal. Although I may say, with “The Office” ending this week, I have 20 years’ worth of journals to start my own damn show. Mine could also be a comedy but I’m thinking a cartoon would be more appropros. (Some of you may remember my Veggie Patch comic strip. I cracked myself up.)

Anyway, till I get back to whatever it is I was meant to do with this life, Powerball I’m counting on you. Momma needs healthcare, I need emotional rehab and we both need a trip to Italy. I’ve got an attorney on speed-dial for when I win — now all I need is for my numbers to be called. …

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