Reversion to the mean

Gemini horoscope:

Today, Goddess, you will ask yourself if, by controlling your emotions so tightly, you are missing out on interesting experiences, or if your defenses are high for a good reason.

I’m going to go with the latter.

I have been thinking about some people I’ve met in my life, from near and far and from long ago and a little more recently.

And how they change.

I don’t know if people just get more comfortable and show you who they really are. Or if they gain a little bit of recognition or power or backbone or what, and then suddenly they realize they CAN crush you so they might as well.

Especially if you’re, as one told me, so sweet and trusting and innocent. One thought me naive for having hope in the human race. Believe me, that’s all but gone. But I’m willing to be surprised.

That same person identified all my “weak” points (their words, not mine) and attacked them all repeatedly. I see the same happening from time to time and I wish people didn’t all go to the same school of “let’s just drive her to the insane asylum, shall we?” I’m not going to give anyone the gift of reaction, so go find someone else to pick on, please.

Then there are the people I know who are fire-happy. Like, insatiably so. And who doesn’t worry about being able to support yourself/your family? Especially in this economy?

Lower jobless claims my ass — look at your region and your field and you tell me if there’s reason for hope. There ain’t. Moving on …

You’d think they’d fire someone and satiate the need, but no. They need more. No one can ever feel safe if one of their colleagues gets the boot because it could be the start of a housecleaning mission.

And no matter how indispensable you’ve made yourself, you’re not immune. You’re never immune.

Joel Osteen talks a good game that God is the only one in control of your destiny. Tell that to your landlord after you’ve had to miss a payment because, even though you were a model employee, you got in the way of a power trip in progress.

I guess what I’m really getting at is how many times I knew someone — really knew them — and at some point the “before” version went away and someone else’s eyes and heart somehow took over. You want to think your old friend, confidante or colleague (in my case, usually all three are rolled into one) is the same person on the inside … that you can appeal to the person you used to know … but you come to find that they’re gone and someone else has taken their place.

And all bets are off.

Again, not aiming this anywhere. We’ve all had a romantic or professional or familial relationship go bad. I’m just saying that sometimes, you can actually pinpoint the exact moment that things are about to change. And there’s nothing that can make you feel more-powerless than seeing the butterfly curl up into a cocoon.

And usually, there’s nothing much more you can do but prepare for the worst or just step out of the way before they run you off and start hanging around people who didn’t know the softer, sweeter, better sides of themselves … or those who knew it but are also complicit in forgetting its existence.

I’m sorry. I still remember all the good things and I’ll be damned if my last memory of people is the one they leave me with.

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