‘What can I say? I am my own crown of thorns’*


I’m pissed.

Went to Springfield Mall to go shoe shopping. Found two awesome pairs of boots at Payless, and when I went to check out, the lady behind the desk told me that it’s a buy two get one free deal, so I should go grab another pair (let me insert that this is my favorite shoe store for a reason!). As I was debating over a pair of white high-heeled boots, the male worker in the store accosted me (we’ll call him Al Bundy for the rest of the entry).

Apparently, Al Bundy has waited on me before and has developed a thing for me. He came right up to me and asked me out. I told him I was flattered but that I had to decline. Yadda yadda 20-questions-cakes. He wasn’t going away. So I said, look, I’m gay and I am not dating men right now.

Stupid stupid stupid. That is the WORST thing to say when you’re trying to get rid of somebody. Of COURSE he expressed interest in being invited to watch hot female-female action (which I obviously cannot provide, because I was saying I was dating someone just to be left to shoe shop in peace). He begged for my number, and I did the old, “I’m happy and I’m not looking for anyone else right now” schtick. So he asks me to stick around, and he gives me his number. He told me to call him at 5 p.m. so I could come over for dinner tonight.

Pest. Fucking pest. I took the number and put back the shoes and ran like hell. The lady at the register (who just saw me with about $40 worth of shoes that I’d fully been ready to buy) watched me duck out, and she looked startled.

I hate myself for putting back the shoes. It’s ridiculously hard to find hoof covers that I like, and it’s even harder to find them in an 8 1/2 (and I didn’t think it was a common size). The problem was, when he asked my name, I did my usual fake, “I’m Melissa!” But my dumb ass needed to pay with a credit card, and I didn’t want him having my real name so he could track me down with a simple Google search (that, and my name is NOT Melissa). I’m also mad because the Payless at Landmark Mall didn’t have the shoes in my size, and that’s why I trekked to Springfield in the first fucking place.

I called Mom when I was safely away from the store, and she said, “Honey, why don’t you just carry cash when you go out?” LOL

Now, I know I’m in for a lecture from at least one reader here, but I’m certain the next question will be, well, why didn’t you agree to go out with him? Lord knows there ain’t anybody else exactly beating down the door to come and sweep me off my feet.

The reasons are as diverse as I am (probably) bipolar. I believe in love at first sight, and all I felt was creeped out — I’ve worked enough retail to know better than to harass a customer for 20 minutes, begging them to go out with me (i.e., it’s a really good way to lose a sale, for one). Secondly, I’ve already enlighened you to my quirkyalone status (i.e., I’ve waited too long to just go for whomever’s asking at the time). Of course, it can be argued that I don’t need to be alone while I’m waiting for The One, but I’ve administered enough mercy fucks to last me a lifetime, and the person who’s less interested in the dating relationship hurts just as much as the one who’s always hoping for more.

And of course, it has run through my mind repeatedly how the types of people I’m interested in aren’t always interested in me, and this was a classic example tonight of how cruel the circle is. And the thing is, I am interested in a couple of people right now (always have a few in mind, because if it doesn’t work out with one, there is always the dream of someone else to soothe the heartache). On one hand, it is probably stupid for me to be waiting for something that may never happen, but on the other hand, if it can happen, I want to be free to let it.

In any event, I am PISSED that I didn’t just buy the shoes and take the loss on the free pair because I NEEDED those fucking boots!!! 😉 And of course, none of the other shoe stores had a single thing that held my interest. Damn it all anyway. 🙂


I went to the Payless website and registered my complaint:

I was just in your store in Springfield Mall (Springfield, VA) today (Sunday, Jan. 11, around 3 p.m.), and I had a shopping experience that will ensure that I never return to that store, although it is my favorite location. I had just picked up two pairs of boots (an impending $40 sale, when the woman behind the desk graciously reminded me that today is the last day for the buy-two-get-one-free promotion). I was thrilled and went back to the racks to look at another pair of shoes that I’d been debating about. Unfortunately, the male employee on the shift (who recognized me from previous visits) came up to me to ask me out on a date. I told him I was flattered but that I had to decline, and then he asked several questions about that (i.e., I couldn’t just say no but had to explain myself). After about 20 minutes, I was ridiculously annoyed and decided to put back the shoes (because I had to pay with a credit card, and I didn’t want him to have access to my name). He asked me if I would take his number (since I wouldn’t give him mine) and he asked that I call him tonight (I took the number and left the store empty-handed, and no, I did not call him). I don’t necessarily want to get him in trouble, but I did want to tell you that, unfortunately, a sale was lost because of this, and I really wish I had cash so I could have bought the boots and left the store in peace.

(*Line stolen from Sandra Bullock in “Hope Floats.”)

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