Waking Apnea

Sometimes I feel like I just can’t breathe, no matter how hard I try. I’ve noticed that my chest hurts all the time, that I’m just holding my breath, bracing myself for something unpleasant (that used to only happen while I was driving; now it happens at random moments of the day/evening). Why am I never prepared for something good to happen? Have I become a realist, despite my best intentions to retain a shred of idealism?

Why do some people require a pat on the head for the least bit of effort, while the rest of us do our thing quietly, unnoticed, and are happier that way? And why do we squander that effort on friends, significant others, employers and others in our lives who simply take it for granted? How can we channel those energies into walking away from everyone, everything that induces stress and lay the foundation for our dream existences?

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