This post is sponsored by Starbucks and a wine hangover

Mt. Vernon, early evening

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

So, I was afraid of this.

Not Maryland (although, when I lived in Northern Virginia, I was certainly afraid of Maryland drivers! Hell, I am one and I’m STILL afraid). But of coming back and never wanting to leave.

With the weather turning nasty here in Washington today, I wonder whether my flight back down to the land of sand and palm trees will be canceled.

And I’m kinda OK with that. Well, minus the inconvenience and expense and all that jazz. 😉

I just feel like I’m home. Not so much in D.C., although I love having instant access to it. But while my life in Florida feels like an extended vacation (minus the working-for-a-living part), I wouldn’t mind moseying back to Maryland under the right conditions.

Maybe I’m just enjoying my resumption of the “world traveler” role, as I’m no longer stuck in a dark corner with a roach motel under my desk, longing for a glimpse of sunlight and fighting against the current for anything resembling meaning and reason.

I met some extraordinary people this weekend, and was reunited with just as many amazing old friends. And it’s nice to have money in my pocket for nice dinners and other experiences as opposed to picking up a silly little souvenir that I’ll toss in two years.

I’ve got a full day ahead before flying back to the life I’ve built on stilts over the Intracoastal. But as for the fear I mentioned earlier, it’s that I’d come back and never want to leave.

I think if I were going back to my first incarnation of existence in Florida, I’d probably find an apartment RIGHT NOW here in Maryland and send for my things. But I’m OK with going back to my home base because I know I can escape at any moment.

My challenge right now is knowing that I CAN run away … that I don’t HAVE to love where I am because I can just run for the hills on command. Because, it’s tempting. And I don’t know that I can truly love where I am when I know that door is always open for me to run through it.

I wonder if that’s been the theme of my life that I’ve waited so long to identify. Maybe that’s where it all went wrong. Maybe always having my eye out for the Next Big Thing made me miss a lot of opportunities right in front of me … personally, relationally, professionally. Perhaps it’s been a mixture of feeling “not good enough” for the good things I had/have, and yet worthy of something more … whatever that is.

In any case, all the opportunities at hand are mine to lose. So I might as well seize the shit out of them all so that I can feel like I’ve truly experienced everything and didn’t put something on hold while hoping for something else to work out.

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