The Veggie Patch Playset (i.e., my commentary on the workplace) continues to grow. Today we add “Pee-Brain.” We have a gal who pees every 15 minutes; Shan should know because she sits across from the ladies’ room and sees her wearing a path in the carpet all day, every day. Pee-Brain’s office is directly behind Shan’s — I keep joking that one day, she’s going to have to pee so badly that she’s going to burrow a hole in their mutual wall, just to get to the toilet sooner! This chick is also one of those who sits quietly in the stall when you arrive, do your business and leave. Shan is convinced Pee-Brain is going to have ‘roids from pinching her ass cheeks together for so long! I always like to fuck around in the bathroom when I know P.B.’s in there — I fuss with my hair, over-straighten my clothes, touch-up my makeup, etc. And she never makes a peep or a poot or anything like that, although you can just feel the hatred emanating from “her” stall.

Oh, I have to talk about her stall. She always uses the same one. One day, I went to the bathroom and the other two stalls were occupied, so I went into the one with the open door. Imagine my surprise that she was standing behind that open door! Did she get lost and forget her way out? Shall I leave a Metro map in her stall so she can have some sort of direction in finding the lock? I shrieked when I saw her, and she just looked glazed and confused, like she always does. I ended up running into the now-open accessible stall, only for someone else to take the middle stall and start pooping, unabashed. Oh, god, their bathroom antics are so symbolic of being surrounded by shit and dumb shit every day at that hellhole!!!

On iTunes: “Calling All Angels,” Jane Siberry

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