Caterwauling

Today’s horoscope from Astrocenter.com rang true not just for me as a Gemini, but for anyone:

Remember that those who matter would rather have you enjoying life than tiring yourself out for their sake.

I spent yesterday feeling sick. It was emotionally based but it manifested itself into physical symptoms. I woke up today, still with a residual dull headache, and said “No More.”

Today I made up songs and danced with my cats as a chapter of my existence drew to a close. Today I made up my mind to just roll with the punches right now. Today I looked at vacation packages to places I could never afford or even consider because I need something more to aspire toward.

Today I realized that I’m not in this forever — not any situation, and especially not this life. I get mad that the days don’t seem to count. When they slip away, they evaporate. You don’t get this energy, this health, this time back. I’ve got to take it back in any way I can, or at least reclaim the territory wherever possible.

Today I decided that I’m not going to sparkle and shine *for* them or maybe even once in awhile *because* of them; rather, I’m going to shine *despite* them.

Who’s this mysterious “them”? The things that I use as an excuse for giving up what I want. For me, it’s never been a matter of not knowing what I want — instead, it’s been a situation of putting things on the proverbial back burner until they boil over and evaporate till they no longer exist.

I’d trade everything I have for what I really want. So why the hell haven’t I, and why not start now?

This entry was posted on Friday, June 9th, 2006 at 11:52 AM and is filed under Existential Meanderings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.