Not OK

One week gone

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

Got the call to come pick up Maddie’s ashes today.

Dear God.

She’s really gone.

I sat outside the pet hospital for I don’t know how long, just clutching the little vase wrapped up all pretty in a tiny gift bag with tissue, just sobbing.

They gave me a beautiful white urn, tightly sealed, with “Maddie” engraved in black. And put her in a little gift bag with a simple ribbon with her name on it.

Oh, the humanity. This was SO not the plan. I want an undo button on this.

When we cremated my great-grandmother, they gave us a lousy cardboard box. Yes, my cat got better than a human.

I needed for it to be special. I had prepared myself for a tiny box. Instead, I got a tiny urn. It’s not pretty enough for my gorgeous baby, of course. But something very nice till I find the right resting place for her.

My big, bouncing ball of fur now fits in the palm of my hand.

She’s next to her favorite Garfield toy on my bookcase right now. Garfield is bigger than her now.

But nothing’s bigger than the hole in my heart.

And that heart just broke all over again.

One Lonely Response to Not OK

  1. Sabre :

    I so hate that I’m not going to be able to be there for you this weekend. I want to cover you in hugs.