Mmmm … Xanax

My anxiety is starting to subside within a few short minutes of scarfing down a tiny little white pill. Woo hoo!!!

Tried to get my old doctor’s office to send me my medical records. They will be glad to send them … to another physician. Crap. Now I have to find a doctor. My nerves are truly shot, and I don’t know why. It’s not like I have HRP attempting to control my every movement, decision and emotion anymore. But the stress in my life has shifted, which means that while the job is more manageable, the things that did not previously cause me stress (because they were on my terms) have changed to a degree where they now aggravate the shit out of me.

SM says this breathing problem I’ve been having is serious. Mom says most women’s heart attacks occur at night, and I know she has the same chest-clenching that I’ve been experiencing. She even noticed how my body just radiates tension when I know I have to get in a car and drive, and it’s my stupid habit of inadvertently holding my breath. I’m good at the gym, though, because I literally tell myself when to inhale and exhale, to get the oxygen flowing to my muscles. Weird how I have to remind myself to breathe … it’s like “Sleepless in Seattle,” where Tom Hanks’s character Sam says to the radio personality that someday he’ll be able to breathe in and out without having to remind himself to do it. :::sigh:::: Good movie, one I’ve seen a bajillion times. Perhaps another screening is on the near horizon?

Tons of Bon Jovi stuff on TV tonite, but I’m definitely doin’ the gym thing, followed by the grocery store thing (Pub Club Potluck tomorrow!). I need to make something cheap, easy and tasty, much like the PC members!!!

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