I lost someone more important than Steve Jobs this week

I had Big Plans for this blog this weekend. And then with a phone call from an old friend today, everything changed in an instant.

One of my beloved colleagues died yesterday. I would say “passed away” but he would have pulled out a stylebook and corrected me on proper word usage, so I wouldn’t dare use a euphemism here. 😉

This photo was a view from our office just outside D.C. Well, it wasn’t *our* view, as we were in another corner of the building, separated by the “hedge” of a shared cubicle wall … or, as he referred to it, a corral. He had a point there!

My friend who reached out to me, knows I’ve been going through Some Shit these past few weeks. And she reminded me that everything is all just Stupid Shit, and today’s news proves it.

Tonight I’m going to pour myself a nice stiff drink in honor of our friend. And I’ll try very hard not to think about how he was just two years away from retirement. Nor will my mind wander too far as I contemplate how he was hanging onto a similar career that I fight so hard to claw my way back into. Was it worth it for him? Is it worth it for me? Who knows.

I’ll be praying for my charming old friend tonight, and his extraordinary wife and their fantastic kids. It was hard enough when our beloved department was disbanded and we were all flung to the four corners of the company. But we’re all still “out there,” you know? We all still call and e-mail and keep our family intact as much as we can. No one has exited stage left before, though. This is a first, and I don’t like it one bit.

I’ve been sad all weekend about the steaming shitpile my own life has become. But then again, it always was one. Of course, I did come to an epiphany this weekend, that I can’t stand up and fight for what my mom needs because I’ve never stood my own ground to fight for ME.

I did that last week, though. I said “Enough!” and made it so. It may cause more harm than good down the line, but right now, I’m healthier than I have been since the end of August. Maybe by picking my own battles, and knowing which ones to leave the hell behind, I’ll do better as an advocate for my mom. Can’t do any worse, at this point.

And now that my buddy is gone, it really reminds me that life can be a joke sometimes, but it’s also just a moment in the grander scheme of the universe. There’s always tomorrow, so we waste our todays, thinking there’s an infinite amount of time just waiting for us to use. Not so much, eh?

Rest in peace, friend. I’m better for having known you, and luckier still for becoming a part of your extended family … and having you in mine.

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