Doggie Dynamics

Just spent my now-routine Saturday midafternoon with my favorite furry-faced nephews, Kirby and Jynx. Those two are a riot, and I really enjoyed them today. They are probably the only men on earth who worship me as their goddess. 🙂 Then again, they love anybody who feeds them “cookies” (read: treats). 🙂

Kirby, at 65 pounds, longs to be a lap dog, and he gets so disappointed when we have to make him get off the couch or to remove himself from someone’s lap (he tries valiantly, but he can’t get his 22-pound ass up high enough to truly be a lap dog). So, when I play with the boys, I sit on the floor with them, and Kirby loves it because he can lie on my legs and feel all svelte and lap-dog-like. Unfortunately, I can liken the sensation in my legs to how a paraplegic must feel, because after awhile, I have no feeling whatsoever, and he obviously has no intentions of moving his doggie ass elsewhere.

Today Jynx was all aflutter. He spends his days in a cage (being crate-trained, as he is just a baby), so when he gets out, it’s like the gates of hell swinging open and unleashing the beast. He is the quintessential lap dog, at fewer than 10 pounds, but he’s used to getting attention, so today he was all about one of the bones that was lying on their shared doggie bed. It was cute as all hell, watching him pick up this dinosaur-sized bone, which was almost as big as he was. He picked it up in his teeth to carry it, and he promptly fell over from its weight and size. Kirby tried to pick it up and hand it to him, but that instituted a doggie brawl, right on my legs, which were luckily devoid of sensation by that point. Jynxie was gnawing at Kirby, so I separated them, leaving Jynxie to chew on my shoelaces and Kirby to nestle a little closer to me in appreciation.

Kirby can do some dumb stuff (okay, so he makes a living out of it), but he is such a character. He’s always been the elder statesman of the house, before MU moved out and took TT, short for Topsi or her full name, Topsi Turvy, with him. He’s really cool, especially when the littler dogs beat up on him. He’s very gentle with them and protects them, although you can tell that he enjoys it when he’s NOT the one being reprimanded. I thought it was so fucking adorable when he tried to give Jynx the bone, which Jynx settled about eating until he saw that I gave Kirby the other bone that was lying on the pet bed. Of course, Jynx abandoned his own bone so that he could knock the other one out of Kirby’s mouth and claim it for himself. Kirby kinda looked at me like, “Do you see the shit I have to put up with? Gaaaah!”

Then the two played nice for a minute and both chewed on the same bone, from opposite ends. They worked that like horny housewives tear up a double dong. It was the funniest thing I had seen all day. 🙂 They finally dropped it when I attempted to move my legs around, to see if blood were still circulating. The reason, though, that I keep my legs together and straight out in front of me is because Kirby immediately sticks his nose in my crotch, looking for gold or something. Argh. But the second I had them open, sure as shit, he had his head under my sweater. Freak. 🙂 I had to shove him away.

By that point, I had stayed so long that Jynxie wanted to go into the backyard again, so I let the boys go out to relieve themselves one last time. I saw Kirby starting to sniff around the yard (ostensibly for some poop to eat), and I yelled, “Come get COOKIES!” and they both almost knocked me over, trying to get to the food station. Then I had to take my usual ‘ho bath (due to gallons of doggie drool all over me), and I took off.

Silly little creatures. I love them so.

Maddie has been exceptionally affectionate as of late, and last night, I was lying on my bed, watching “South Park,” when she curled up next to me. This is nothing new, but I put my arm around her, and she didn’t jump for the ceiling (she likes to get really close, but she hates being enclosed). In fact, she rested her head and one of her paws in the crook of my arm, and she fell asleep for the longest time. I was wishing I could’ve taken a photo of it.

I’m just a pet magnet, I guess. That, and Maddie probably sees all the fine doggie hairs on my clothes, and I imagine she becomes very jealous. I think she even knows when I’ve been with a man, too, because she always comes to me (when I’ve crawled home via the Walk of Shame) and consoles me, reminding me that men are dogs and that she will always love me unconditionally. Although, if I would bring another pussy home (of any variety), I imagine that wouldn’t make her overly happy, as she is and will always be Queen Puss.

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