Dawn Till Dusk

Finding the right lipstick is the greatest heaven I’ve experienced (this week, anyway). Spending two hours shopping for essentials in Wallyworld, however, is not, but coming home with the right shade, ironically called Dawn Till Dusk, takes some of the sting out of walking among the illiterate and undead. Although, you can argue that I do THAT all day at the Veggie Patch!

Haven’t been hungry much during the past few days, which made it a perfect time to start watching what I put into my mouth. (Stop tittering, you lil pervs!) While I find myself lacking any source of human-produced protein substances, perhaps Bill‘s encouragement to go strictly Atkins is the way to go. Although, damn it, I had pasta for dinner 10 minutes ago. He’s right, though — the only time in my life I’ve ever had a diet that worked was when I went for the fabulous combo of meat, cheese and leafy veggies, a la Atkins. That and when I was anorexic in my late teens (which you’d never be able to tell by looking at me — I went the WAY opposite direction after that!).

Food has always been my enemy. That and cigarettes, but food and I have always had an adversarial relationship. When life sucks, I eat. When I’m happy, I celebrate with food. When I’m among friends, I eat. When I’m alone, I eat. And never good stuff. Always sugar, to remind me that life can be sweet, or salt. A friend of mine tried to commit suicide in college — her doctors gave her salt pills to keep her moods elevated. So when I become dark and moody, I grab the potato chips. Hell, I’ve been known to eat salt by the handful.

So now that I’m 29, it’s time to start correcting the way of life that has been my security blanket for nearly three decades. When you had a stepfather who would smack you across the face (when your mother wasn’t in the room) if you didn’t finish your meals, you learn to practically lick your plate clean. So stuffing myself silly became a way to stay out of harm’s way, and all these years later, I’m only now realizing how that fuckhead traumatized me, in so many ways, but particularly with food.

I told Bill I’m going to ease into the Atkins — maybe do Atkins Lite for awhile. But maybe I shouldn’t — I know people criticize the unhealthfulness (is that a word?) of the foods the diet recommends (i.e., high in protein, no worrying about fat or calories) as well as the rapidity (another made-up word?) of the weight loss (meaning you can’t keep it off), but perhaps the key to my happiness is an image adjustment. Whenever I can’t get ahead at work of if someone of the opposite sex isn’t interested in me, I always blame it on my appearance (rather than on my innate ability to scare the hell out of folks!). But no more. I long to catch their eyes and just scare the hell out of them with my personality, not with my looks too! 😉


Bill linked to an article on how retailers are catching on to the Atkins-friendly crowd and are stocking up on low-carb items. It’s about time! Last time I went on Atkins (to lose 30 pounds — successfully — to fit into a formal dress in 2000), I was living on cheese cubes, burgers, frozen steak products and lettuce. Gaah! I’m looking forward to more of an appealing food selection this time around!

On a more serious note, I opted not to officially join the biggest losers in the blogosphere due to a discomfort with e-mailing *actual* numbers (not like I even know them — scales are bad!!!) to the moderator, but I am certainly cheering on Dave and the rest of the crew who are fearlessly joining and charting their progress. Personally, I’m approaching my task from a more emotional standpoint (because approaching it from a physical standpoint would actually require me using my expensive gym membership!). But once Shawn gets his membership, I know he will come to my house and drag me to the gym for my own good.

And maybe that’s what I’ve needed to happen all along. Even though I’ve shown boatloads of initiatives in so many aspects of my life, I’ve found that in love and in exercise and in amusement park rides, I need somebody there, not only holding my hand, but also yanking it forward. And I never regret it — I always admit afterward that I would’ve regretted not taking the plunge.

So here I stand (okay, sit), on the precipice of perhaps one of the only commitments in life I’ve ever made — the commitment to my health. So wish me luck, friends, and anyone else out there doing or trying to do the Atkins diet, leave a comment and give a gal some tips and encouragement!!!


Okay, so I weighed in. I doubt I’ll be making the most progress, but I’m not in it for the competition — just the accountability and moral support. I’m certain my competitive spirit will flare up (as it always does) — I hate to be outdone! 😉

Dawn till dusk indeed

And dusk till dawn. Insomnia plagues me again. Sandman, where are you?

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