California or Bust!

Well kids, the day has arrived for me to drag my ass (and Samantha’s, too!) down to Reagan National for the first of my flights to/from Anaheim, via Chicago. Tooth (or lack thereof) is still screaming with pain. Dentist told me it’s a dry socket … honey, I never knew any socket on my person could ever be a dry one!

Maddie has been sullen and suspicious the past few days. She knows I am either abandoning her or taking her with me — she hasn’t quite decided which, and both are equally worse, in her opinion. But I bought a feeder that will keep her stuffed and happy for four days, and I think she will revel in having unlimited servings of Mow Mix from the second I leave the house this morning.

I’m not looking forward to my trip with the Club Medicated Cruise Lines, and J-Ho seems to think we’re going to become friends or some shit like that. Ha! I know she’s pissed that she didn’t even get a second interview for the job she wanted — the job I now have — and she’s got her nose so far up King Kumquat’s and all the other men’s asses that she’ll hopefully leave me the hell alone, for the most part. I think she’s either slept with, or wants to sleep with, most of the (few) men in our (dis)organization — you should see her flirt with them! But she recently put on like 40 pounds or something, so I am pleased that she looks more like a Macy’s day float than, well, a Macy’s day float. Tee hee.

Well kids, don’t pee in the sandbox while I’m gone, and be good! Hope that my little Samantha is safe at the airport without me, hope that Maddie doesn’t shit on everything that doesn’t move in my absence, and hope that our country and our troops are safe and secure during these uncertain times. And hope that I kick Town Crier into the Pacific Ocean or walk in on J-Ho sucking Kumquat’s dick — and hope that I have my camera on and flashing for either instance!!!

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