Burnout and Delirium
I am overly ready to take a few days to myself, even if that means spending it with my dysfunctional family in Pennsylvania. LOL. However, I am NOT looking forward to absorbing their problems and feeling guilty that my own issues — which are monumental, at least to me — are infinitesimal and downright selfish in comparison to theirs. Aaaaah, holidays have such a scent of desperation and guilt, and it’s ringing through the air already. … 🙂
On the downside, I feel bad that IKEA Boy won’t be joining me in “Stiller Country,” but he’s got stuff to deal with so that he, too, can achieve some peace of mind that will hopefully arrive before Santa Claus does. Personally, I have a bug up my ass about so many things (a shitload of small things that, when combined, equal a huge pile of shit) — it’ll do me good to leave those bugs scattering off to their own corners (or under their own rocks) for the holiday.
I was surfing the personals the other night … I wish I had been around in the days of “Free Love” and “Sex, Drugs and Rock ‘n Roll.” Granted, I’d probably be dead of AIDS by now, were that the case, but to just get high, randomly hook up with a bunch of people and listen to some good, classic rock would’ve been such a perfect life for me. At any rate, while I’m waiting for these guys in my life to figure out how to dial a “412” area code (i.e., my cell #), I am bored, horny and easy, and I want to find people just like me for whatever may come. … (insert the obvious joke in here. lol)
Granted, I could just call one of my guys, and I am certain that at least three of them will readily accommodate, but I don’t want to go there, if I expect even a half a shot at a relationship with them. Plus, like the lines go in my “functional” movie, “Reality Bites,” Lanie asked why life can’t return to the way it used to be on “The Brady Bunch,” and Troy responded. “Well, because Mr. Brady died of AIDS.” The way I’ve experienced it, you can’t undo the damage you’ve done, so you’ve got to think before you do it and be willing to take all that comes (or doesn’t come) as a result.
It’s funny — there are some people you will die to hold in your arms, to struggle to retain in your life, to show them how wonderful an addition you can be to their lives; there are the people who fall into your life easily and remain there the same way, with minimal effort, for an indefinite period of time; and then there are the remainder who won’t go away, no matter how hard you wish and dream about not having to be a part of their worlds. Perhaps all humans fit into one of those three categories for everyone in our lives, but we don’t realize it. I can list so many names under all of those descriptions, and then I wonder why we even bother affiliating with the third category — unless in their eyes, we are the ones in the first category. Humph. I’m gettin’ all philosophical, but I’m not conveying it with the coherence it deserves. Blah. Pre-holiday delirium is setting in.
The plot is thickening at work. I am 99 percent convinced that we are being audiotaped and that our e-mail is officially under scrutiny. Shan has some inside info, but she’s got some more digging around to do, but the overarching assumption is to watch our asses. Oh, goody. 🙂 Whatever happens, I hope it occurs after Thanksgiving … just give me some time to enjoy my life before I have to come back here and deal with these turkeys and their neverending stream of turkey poop.