A life meant to be had

Took mom to see “To Joey, With Love” the other night. I dragged my feet going to this movie. But I’m so glad we went. 

It’s the love story of the country singers Joey + Rory. But it’s so much more than that. 

What was meant to be a focus of their homesteading and raising their baby daughter, turned into a beautiful chronicle of their little life as Joey was diagnosed with, and died from, cancer. 

It’s also the best advertisement of how a loving momma nurtures her child with Down syndrome. How all children have value. How Joey loved that smart, sweet baby. 

The joy in all their hearts, every day, struck me. They loved and trusted God every step of the way. Through the life He gave them … from the baby He wanted them to have … to the path He planned for them to take. 

They were lucky to be successful. They were smart to scrimp and save. They could afford their year off. And they could focus 100% on Joey’s treatments and, ultimately, her final months. 

Thy will be done, they sang. This was their journey. 

I thought about how I’d be dragging my IV and port to the office every day in the same situation. Assuming full employment till recovery or death. 

And the “thy will be done” hit me like a ton of bricks. Did God choose this life for me and does He think I’m ungrateful for all the rocks I have to roll up the hill?

I mean, do I aspire to more or do I finally trust Him to guide my next move … Even if it’s to stay in place?

I liked the idea that God chose the baby they were meant to have. That means He picked the family I was supposed to have. And the job. Maybe not the apartment, though …

Or like Rory, the family he was supposed to have for now. Not that he will love again. You can tell, he will never be the same. 

I guess trusting God sure beats trusting humans who have let you down before and who let you down again just 12 hours of leaving the theater. 

There’s a lot to be said for giving your problems up to God and letting them be His to solve. 

I think I lost my faith when a million prayers for mom’s health went unanswered. On the other hand, I still have her. So there’s that. 

I still don’t have anyone else to love or trust. Plenty to hold in downright contempt. And a few I like from my daily interactions to leave behind whom I will miss. 

But faith would tell me better days, things and people are coming. 

My prayer is sooner rather than later, and the strength to thrive in the meantime. 

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