“Goes to show. …”

I must have used that phrase a hundred times today, all in relation to the complete idiocy and unnecessary semantics of my workplace.

Okay, to start, if ONE MORE FUCKING PERSON asks when they’re gonna see the draft of my parenting grandparents proposal, I AM GOING TO SHOVE IT UP THEIR ASSES SIDEWAYS!!! I KNOW it’s due right now. I am not an idiot. If I had it done, wouldn’t I turn it in?!?! And QUIT calling F/OM to complain that it ain’t done ’cause that ain’t gettin’ it done any fucking FASTER!!!!!!!!!!!


Reasons why it isn’t done: Incoherent Twit drafted it and pulled 100 percent of the information OUT OF HER ASS; I needed time to UNDO the mess she created; she has been creating drama for Brat and F/OM that I have had to step in and assist in redirecting; and the new BULLSHIT about the annual report.

I know Lab Rat is beyond reason right now about the annual report, and I feel for her. I had to admit today that one of the two reasons I stepped down from directorship of my department (other than to get away from The Doc, who will now be known as The Puppeteer, because she pulls everyone’s strings so hard they are suffocating) was that as “leadership,” I do not support my agency and the erratic, insensible decisions it makes; therefore, I cannot be an executive when not only do I question the bizarre way of doing things there, but I also flat out refuse to be a part of the semantics.

When I came to that godforsaken agency (herein to be referred to as The Wasteland), one of my personal strategic goals was to establish regular publication of an annual report. I blew my original target date of October 2001, with the promise to the Puppeteer that by April 15, she’d have it, and I’d have another in October 2002. She was FURIOUS that I fucked that up (she’s always furious about something; I wasn’t real concerned), but I did commit to compiling and publishing the report by April 15.

In a nutshell, Lab Rat and I began the process in January, and we met our deadlines. We produced a quality, attractive and substantial product, one that fits in with the brand identity my department is trying to create. Not only did I make certain that Lab Rat knew how pleased I was with her work as well as with the teamwork we exhibited, but I was also sure to deliver her the few comments we were given as critique from our superiors. Even F/OM was happy, because it was a crisp, formal document that conveyed our message professionally and appropriately.

Then today, I had to make a call to Lab Rat that hurt me just as much as it did her: F/OM asked for the document for our consultant to revamp. I was not told that was the reason, but really, why else is he requesting the original file, when a PDF would do just fine for simply viewing this masterpiece?

I use revamp lightly … I know Jay can and will do a good job in doing whatever the hell it is they want him to do, but 1.) no one ever had a bad word to say about OUR product, and 2.) nobody ever really knows what they want at that agency … they always want what they don’t have, with no rhyme or reason why what they have can’t suffice. Further, everybody praises and loves the Incoherent Twit for the complete shit that she produces, and I have been told on NUMEROUS occasions to leave her alone and not be such a perfectionist when trying to make her crap into the spectacular product that I want. And here, I have literally hand-delivered them a spectacular annual report, as promised, and ON TIME (a rarity for me, at best), and what do I get? An off-the-cuff request from F/OM to hand over the document. No rhyme, no reason, no explanation. Just a request to get it into his hands, and a question whether our perfect PageMaker document can be converted to Microsoft Publisher so Jay can work on it at home.

I got late-breaking news at day’s end that F/OM requested that we fork over the Adobe suite so Jay can pirate it at home to work on our annual report. I have never seen Lab Rat so close to the edge, not even after the demise of her ill-fated relationship earlier this year. And rightly so … this document has been not only a thorn in my own side for the past four months, but she has spent that time slaving over this document, learning the software, and modifying it to meet the specifications and tastes of the Puppeteer. And for what? Granted, she can and will use this as a portfolio piece, but this is just an outrage. Further, the direction and support that I was able to provide will probably all go down the toilet … this was going to be a portfolio piece for me, too, more as an example of my direction and vision than my actual work. So now, we have provided all the research and format to Jay for him to do as he pleases with it.

Typical Wasteland. I am not the least bit surprised. What does continue to take me by surprise is my evolving ability to shrug things off that mean something to me, as they become distorted and destroyed by my employer.

Sorry, Lab Rat. As you can see, we are powerless to the Puppeteer. And this is why I cannot be an ambassador to that agency any longer. …

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