I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Saturday, January 10, 2004

*yawn*

I slept really well last night. But on Thursday night, there was no rest for the wicked around here, 'cause Mommy had a bright (NOT!) idea to not put Kadi in her cage while we slept.

BITCH!!!

Now that Kadi is almost seven months old, Mommy was feeling bad about locking her up every night. And Kadi has been rather good in the evenings lately (not tearing up too much shit), so Mommy decided to treat her like a grown kitty and let her have the run of the house while we slept.

Let's just say that Kadi abused her privileges. She kept jumping in and out of the bedroom window. Which would be fine, but she kept getting her fat ass stuck in the blinds. So Mommy got up and raised the blinds so that Dumbshit wouldn't get caught in them, and thus, the noise was eliminated.

But then Kadi started climbing all the shelves where Mommy keeps her Garfield collectibles, and one by one, dolls and figurines started hitting the floor. Then she jumped up on the dresser, where Mommy keeps a lamp, a stereo and two jewelry boxes. BAM! went one of the jewelry boxes. It is wood, and the frame is all knocked out of place.

Then Kadi kept scratching at the comforter while we tried to ignore her. But it got so annoying that Mommy plucked her up and found that she was playing with a coffee stirrer, and that was why she was scratching the fabric up so badly -- she kept trying to grasp that little piece of plastic. So Mommy snatched the coffee stirrer and hid it between her boobs. Heh. It was funny when she got up and saw the coffee stirrer and wondered how the HELL it got there!

Of course, with her favorite toy gone, she went to our toybox and pulled out a couple of jingly mice, so we had to hear bells all the time. I finally got pissed and jumped off the bed and attacked her. I wanted to kill her, or, at least, suffocate her into a mild coma. So we fought for two hours before I finally retired to the bed with Mommy, who was on her side, staring at the clock (it was 4:15 a.m.).

Kadi doesn't like it when I have all of Mommy's attention, so she waited for Mommy to roll over on her stomach, and Kadi used her ass as a trampoline. But when Mommy refused to stir, Kadi bared her claws and jumped on her back. In one swift move, Mommy picked her up and tossed her off the bed, and Kadi was hanging off the side of the bed where her claws got stuck in the pillowcase. *sigh*

Finally, we just decided to get up for the day, and Kadi raced to the food dish and bitched till she got fed. I wouldn't have rewarded her for such terrible behavior, but Mommy was grateful to have Kadi distracted so that she could get ready for work.

In any event, even though Kadi was being cute and cuddly last night, Mommy snatched her up around midnight and plopped her fat ass in her cage, which she's about to outgrow if she gets any fatter. But we did manage to enjoy a lovely nine hours of sleep, undisturbed by the little hellion.

Oh, the humanity.

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