I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Sunday, November 09, 2003

Vampire girl

I've finally figured out Kadi's problem (other than the fact that she's dumb as rocks). Because she likes drawing blood so much, she's a vampire girl!

Yesterday, Mommy got her a little engraved pet tag for her collar -- it's a little magenta heart, just like mine. She figured that, because Kadi has a habit of bolting for the door and/or the balcony, it might help to have a collar with our phone number on it (I don't necessarily agree, because we wouldn't want her back if she left!).

So last night, before Aunt Daddy came over for lots of shots of Apple Pucker before a night of gay-bar hopping with Mommy, the female human head of the household decided to try to affix the tag to Kadi's collar. She actually tried to take the collar off, but Kadi got mad and tried to bite her. So Mommy figured, hell, it might be easier to just clip the damn tag on the collar while it was still on.

Yeah, whatever.

Mommy got nine bloody scratches on the inside of her right thigh during this process. She had to wrap gauze and adhesive tape around her thigh (and keep it there for an hour!) till the blood stopped spurting. Kadi must've hit a vein or something, 'cause in the two minutes it took Mommy to get the damn tag around the beast's neck, she had blood soaking her whole right leg ... straight into her socks!! Ugh!!!

Mommy says it's gonna be two more months till we can have the beast declawed. Shit! I think Mommy is well advised to just take a fucking pair of pliers and rip each little nail out, one by one. What do you think?!?!

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